That is YO job

Nothing is worst than somebody who carries their job out in a half ass manner.  I know everybody gets frustrated with work and that is absolutely OK.  Listen, I know that when a job frustrates you at times you just want to scream "f*ck the world" and throw something.  It is okay, just do that but please do your job.

McDonald's workers I do understand that your job might suck balls but please don't give me any attitude.  I did not do anything to you.  Fact of that matter is that I am beyond nice to anybody that has control over my food.  I always use all my manners and even ask how your worthless day was even though I don't give a two hoots about it.  So next time when you are taking my order please hold the attitude or I will send in a complaint to the manager and your a** will be back making them fries.

Mr. Delivery man, you are a delivery man not meet me outside man.  When I order food off of campusfood.com I put instructions that says "I am at work inside" so that means bring your butt inside.  I do pay a delivery fee which means that you need to bring my damn order inside.  Please do not call me and say come downstairs because you are downstairs.  You are not downstairs and I know this because I am looking straight out the big ole glass windows.  There are nothing but chain smokers outside so stoooop lying.  Besides, if I have to walk outside to get my freaking food I want my delivery fee back and you will not receive the tip that you covet.

Bartender in the not so crowded bar stop acting like you don't hear me.  I am the section of the bar that only has three people in there and the music is not that loud.  Do you not want my tip that I was going to give you?  I do know that your hourly pay is nothing to write home about and my tip helps make the night a little better.  Whats that Bartender?  You don't like when we hold our money out to get your attention well I don't like it either so maybe if you acknowledge somebody and say"Hold on" or "give me 1 minute" we will stop.  Give me my damn drink on time and I will leave you the hell alone.

 Post office people I would start with you but that is a whole other post.  Disgruntled employees who don't do their damn job we SPIT on you!!

Moment of Clarity

I would like to take this time to clear the air on a few things.  A few things about myself and maybe some other random things.  So bare with me.

I am not really this angry all the time.  I promise!!  Sure there is a bunch of stuff that pisses me off to no end like lazy motherf*ckes collecting unemployment and sniffling, snot nosed, helpless little children that are thrust on me.

This one really crack me up.  Not even sure how this one even came about from these rants.  I am not suicidal.  There are times when I do think about suicide but it is only hoping other people do themselves in. (I kid I kid)

My childhood was a good one.  I was not abused, beat up or mistreated.  In fact those are some of the happier times in my life.  So there is no Law & Order:SVU happening over these parts.

In everyday conversation I don't really cuss all the time.  Only when I am taken to that point of no return and then all bets are off.  F*****ck!!  The only time I spit is when I see Oprah with no make-up but seriously I don't spit.

 Anybody who is reading this I want you to hold me to this:  If Derek Jeter of the New York Yankees gets  the 23 million a year he wants I promise that I will seriously try out for any professional sports league of your choosing because that means sports teams are just giving out free money and I WANT in.

Taken

What is a leader?  According to dictionary.com this is what we have:

lead·er

   /ˈlidər/ Show Spelled[lee-der] Show IPA

–noun

1.a person or thing that leads.

2.a guiding or directing head, as of an army, movement, or political group.

3.Music .

a.a conductor or director, as of an orchestra, band, or chorus.

b.the player at the head of the first violins in an orchestra, the principal cornetist in a band, or the principal soprano in a chorus, to whom any incidental solos are usually assigned.

Me personally I believe that a leader must be able to in times of necessity lie, cheat, steal, and even kill to retain or obtain power.  Now with that said what the hell are America's leaders doing about WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange?  We are looking kind of soft like South Korea when their Naval ship had a hole blown into the side.

This douche bag has been releasing classified documents upon classified documents and has gone unscathed.  Apparently this round of leaks will strain America's ties with other countries and putting informants and various other personnel in potentially dangerous situations.  How is he even able to still do this?  I know what he is doing is not illegal but some would say these acts are immoral.

I do not promote violence in a public forum however if it was up to me Julian would be hurting.  My first move would be to put in the call to the CIA and have this cat removed from his house.  He would then be taken to Guantanamo Bay and beaten within inches of his life.  Right when he is about to check out, resuscitate and then nurse him back to health then repeat process. I am sure he has a backup plan and or a team to get these documents out to the public and that is fine.  Everybody gets it!!  The Mother, the kids and even the damn dog.

Realistically speaking I am sure if Julian was to go missing the USA would get the blame and be looked at with suspicious eyes but so what?  I am sure the Spin Doctors on payroll could simply turn it into some type of conspiracy that has started to run rampant.  Do we not have computer hackers who can simply shut down wikileaks like the Chinese government did to Google a few months back?  Isn't it about time for that accidental fire with all fire exit doors nailed shut like that movie with Brad Pitt with that awful accent killing Nazis?  Whoever controls America's Matt Bourne it is time to get this sh*t popping!!

Julian Assange and whoever is leaking you these damn documents I SPIT on you with saliva induced toxins!!!

You can't handle the truth

I have decided to give you good people some truths about me.

1.I am registered Democrat.
However, I did not vote for Barack Obama.  I voted for the other guy.*black ppl's heart breaking all around the world*  Sue me!!

2. I love Halle Berry like Paris Hilton loves cocaine.
However, to have two ex-husbands and a baby Daddy I am pretty sure she has some screws loose and or missing.(That hurt to say that.  The Flinstones movie where she played the secretary helped jump start puberty for me.)

3.I hate it when I walk by cars and certain people lock their doors out of fear.
However, that is a smart idea one day I might just open the door and scare the crap out of you for pure sh*ts and giggles.

4.Tupac Shakur is a rap icon.
However, he was an average rapper and a knucklehead.  I know I know, he made the song "Brenda's got a baby".  In my opinion Brenda should have been slanging that D instead of taking the D.  Chew on that.  God Bless the dead.

5.My mother found my blog thanks to my bestfriend and my Mother read my Thanksgiving post out loud to me.*quite funny*  She was appalled at my language and told me to stop cussing. I smiled and nodded.
However, I just can't help it.  Not like I got it from her or anything. lol

6.Sarah Palin comes across as a non-intellectual piece of Alaskan moose f*cking trash.
However, she is a good looking old head and could be my sugar mom any day of the week.


7.Sales people pay me no mind when I walk into their stores with my beard grown out.
However, I am counting the security cameras so I can get you sucka!! *just playing Gov't*

Black Friday

So for the fourth or fifth year in a row I have gotten up early in the morning to partake in this Black Friday nonsense.  I only do this because of my best friend who swears this is some big tradition of ours.  All of this is bullsh*t getting up stupid early in the morning and going out and lining up in front of some stores to do some shopping for some "deals" that might not really be deals.

So this morning my friend comes to pick me up at 7am after being only two hours late having me wait early in the damn morning.  We end up going to the mall and saw all type of damn hooligans out there looking like a hot damn mess.  Listen folks just because it is early in the morning does not mean that everybody else is blind and can't see that you look like sh*t.  Ladies please take them ugly a** scarves with all them damn colors off your head.  If you hair is jacked up and you look like a nappy headed hoe then put a damn hat on please or stay your a** in the house.

Gentleman and I use that term loosely and I mean veery loosely please take off them doo rags.  You are outside the house and it is no longer the nineties.  You are not a rapper err- you are not a "real" rapper maybe something of an aspiring rapper but let it go.  Also, pull your freaking pants up sir!!  It is 2010 and your jeans look like them jerking kids from California.  Soooo, your jeans are colorful and tight but yet I still manage to see your boxers.  How does that even work?  I tell you what next time I see anybody with their pants below their waist with a belt on I will get one of my big football playing buddies to plow you.  You will then be broken.  Word to Star!!!  Matter of fact all you dudes out there with cornrows let that sh*t go too.  The prison look is dead man unless you are Jim Jones or Pusha T.

Another beef of mine are when people are just in the way.  Why stand in the way of the escalators when you see me with bags and you are not getting on?  Please don't lift your shirt up in public and rub on your stomach.  Why in the hell do you think people want to see your nasty stomach.  Please don't forget basic hygiene either.  It is very early in the morning but please please brush your teeth.  That morning breath is still rocking and  very very offensive.  Be mindful of others and keep some gum on you.

Gobble deez

Happy Thanksgiving  to everybody out there!!  Hopefully everybody had a safe voyage and will be grubbing very shortly.  I just like to to take this time out to say what I am thankful for.  What stands out to me this year is being able to share my thoughts on this forum.  So for that I am thankful for my followers and all of those who read this blog.  I originally started because I was mad at something and it has been kind of therapeutic writing these posts, all though probably not enough. lol  So to everybody THANKS for riding with me.  I have created an email that you can hit me up anytime with questions, comments, ideas, beefs whatever.  spittingandcussing.blogpsot.com@gmail.com

WELP!!  Now, that is outta the way lets get down to this bullsh*t.  I am driving home to MD today and I stop off in DE to grab some breakfast with one of my homies to catch up and I am leaving Ihop and my motherf*cking tire blows.  Luckily I am Pop's AAA membership and they were out there within 40 minutes or so.  Dude comes out and throws spare tire on while I am out there in the mist playing football with his kids.  *Go figure*

The spare is now on and my mission is to head to Pep Boys and get a real tire put on to make the rest of the voyage.  Not sure why I thought Pep Boys might be open today for a little bit you know for people who need to get tires, oil changes or other random car mishap sh*t.  Them sons of b*tches were closed and locked down like a Nun's legs. *rimshot*  Imagine how pissed I was to not be able to drive over 60mph the whole way home.  Made the trip exxxtra long.  As I was cruising along in the slow lane and watching everybody pass me by I just kept thinking about how they were cussing me the f*ck out for being in the way and almost felt bad.  However, I quickly remembered I was in the slow lane and they could go kick rocks!!

Just a quick thought before I go stuff my face.  In the grand scheme of things the Pilgrims were not sh*t!!  The Native Americans were bamboozled HARD. With that said:

I SPIT on you front passenger tire, Pep Boys and the motherf*cking Mayflower!!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Tell em why you mad son

I am mad because I went to Best Buy last night to purchase the new Lloyd Banks cd Hunger For More 2.  The whole experience was just completely mind boggling and damn frustrating.  There was a sign stating all the new releases for the week.  On this list Lloyd Bank's album was stated as being a new release which makes sense because it came out Monday the 22nd.  I look in the new release section there was no Banks anywhere to be found.  Lots of Kanye and Nicki Minaj albums everywhere to be found but nooo Banks.

Being the smart man that I am I don't fret but went to the Lloyd Banks section.  What did I see there?  A sign that says, "Lloyd Banks Hunger For More 2" but there were no damn discs.  So I am thinking that maybe Banks sold out *sidenote* yea the f*ck right* and there are more in the back.  Wishful thinking!!

After talking with a Best Buy associate I came to the conclusion that they are some dumb motherf*ckers and they are pretty much stealing money.  I ask if there are any of these albums are in the back.  He looked very very confused.  I let him know that there are signs everywhere saying that they have the cd in stock and he goes to the back to check.  He comes back to let me know that Best Buy did not even purchase the f*cking cds.  *blank stare*

I just simply want to know why the f*ck would you advertise that you have something you do not have.  Why would you not let your employees know of this situation?  Is this false advertisement?  Best Buy you were my favorite store of ALL time but now you a**holes have pissed me off.  I will probably shop there again but still.

Best Buy I SPIT on you for wasting my time, getting my hopes up, and never answering my question of why the hell you have signs up.

You named them what??

What is in a name?  You ever hear a name and ever think what the hell is that?  Unfortunately I see this sh*t all the time.  It is funny and sad all at once.

About a week or so ago my boy and I were watching the NFL and this name flashed across the scene of one of the players.  Marcedes Lewis of the Jacksonville Jauguars. WTF.  My friend asks the question " What kind of Father names his son Marcedes".  My reply was "I bet you his Father was not even around" but seriously WTF.  I understand naming your daughter Marcedes because you are setting her up to be a stripper, prostitute or something along those lines but the boy? 

Parents, stop naming your children something that cannot be pronounced within two attempts. That is embarrassing for the child and even for your simple a**.  I mean I would hate to hear the teachers pronounce a damn Shaquita.  What the f*ck is even a Shaquita?  Seriously, why would you even do that your daughter.  With a name like that her options in life are crack whore or baby mom.  I would even venture out on a limb to say that she will be both and do a stint in jail.

Here are a few rules I think should be followed when naming your children.  No names over 12 letters.  That is almost half the damn alphabet, stop that sh*t.  Pretend you are a employer and you see your child's resume with that name on it, what is the first thing that pops in your mind?  You know what scratch that if you are dumb enough to name your child something off the hook you probably don't have a resume.  Do not give your child a stage name i.e. Diamond, Storm, Passion etc.  Ethnic names are fine and cool but sometimes your child is just being setup for failure.  If possible stay away from these names too except if you are a royalty or heir to some oil fields or something.  Follow these rules and hopefully you too can stir your children away from failure!

Elephant in the room

Some people might say I have an anger management problem.  Me, I think I am level headed and have a great amount of common sense.

One of my friends emailed me a cragislistpost for an anger management study.  I will give you a quick snippet of what the email said:
• Is anger a problem for you?
• Are you quick to anger or act on your anger?
• Do you have outbursts that you are embarrassed about later?

Why is anger a problem?  I think that means that I am alive, well and functioning GREAT.  You are damn right I will get angry if somebody does some dumb sh*t or something idiotic happens.  Why the f*ck not?  Anger is just another emotion like being happy.  Nobody has treatments for happy management problem.  I know some motherf*ckers that are just cheesing all the damn time and they need to have that smile slapped off of their face.

Sometimes I am quick to anger and quick to act on my anger.  What is it to you chump?  Some people are quick to react and there is nothing wrong with that.  Quick reactions save lives.

 They got me on this one.  Sometimes I do get embarrassed from my outburst.  You know why?  Only because sometimes I get flustered while driving and yelling out my car at you in anger.  So, if I have ever called you a "motherf*cker" I meant to be more descriptive and say, "Morbidly obese Motherf*cker" or "Stupid Motherf*cker" and for that I apologize.  When used in that sense "motherf*cker" is a noun and the adjective is definitely needed.

So in closing I will say I did sign up for this study and hopefully they will learn that nothing is wrong with me and it is everybody who are just simple motherf*ckers!!!

You must not read my blog

I like to start off with saying that I am right 87% of the time.  I know what you are thinking that is a pretty high percentage he is a arrogant bastard to think he is right that many times it was higher motherf*ckers but I have made some bad calls as of late.

Mine as well start with nonsense of last night.  Let me set the mood.  On my way home from picking up food there was a little hold up at the intersection of 33rd and Powelton.  My passenger saw a former classmate, beautiful dark skin young lady with her friends on Powelton.  There is a car in front of me trying to make a turn, the oncoming traffic lane has a big a** truck coming with the driver on the phone and a green light.  My passenger speaks to her former classmate who in return speaks back as one of her friend darts across the street to safety.  The next scene of events was some of the duuuumbest sh*t ever!!  This chocolaty sister proceeds to dart in front of my car to cross the street and almost lost her life.  Had the driver not stopped she would have been a beautiful chocolate chip pancake.

First of all why the f*ck were you running across my car when I have the green light?  Second, what the hell happened to looking before you cross the street?  Third, and no offense to anybody how come your black people Spidey sense did not tingle for the BIG a** truck with the driver on the phone.  Fifth, and this should be no offense to anybody comment what made you think running after the white girl was a good idea?  Sometimes they are more prone to run to danger and face it head on.  Sixth, when your life was saved by the driver braking how come you did not slap the sh*t out of your friend for not telling you to "STOP".

Miss. Biker what were you thinking about today when I was in the crosswalk?  This clumsy chick almost runs her bike over my foot.  I mean we were all waiting for the green light so we could cross the street safely you saw me standing right next to you.  Did  you think I was a mirage or something?  Or was it the fact that you had your f*cking headphones in and were not paying attention and you really don't know how to ride a bike.

People who are just in the way I SPIT on you.

Tonka Tank

I should just go ahead and complete the cycle about my road rage err- driving tutorial.  Pedestrians suck balls, bikers should eat and choke on balls, but other drivers you take the cake.

There are days that I have no clue what you f*ckers are doing.  Lets take the day in the summer of 2009 when this stupid hoodrat backed her car into me.  This non geometry taking whore made this right turn at the corner and somehow got the corner back end of a delivery truck stuck in her front passenger window.  Not sure what kind of angle she thought she had to take but this sh*t was theee worst turn I have ever seen.  She somehow thought flooring the car in reverse was the way to go with a car right behind her. 

People who merge into my lane without a f*cking signal when we are side by side.  Hey b*tch you don't have a damn tank!!  You are not going to roll over my car we are going to collide and both our vehicles are going to be messed up and then I am going to fall out the car and fake a seizure.  Or if you look like you don't have a pot to piss in I will say f*ck the lawsuit angle and your face will meet my backhand. 

Taxi drivers I hate you all except for the one dude that took our boys into old city with a mp3 player type of thing for music.  Granted you almost caused an accident trying to pick us up on the corner but I suppose you can be excluded from this.  I am pretty sure a lot of you taxi drivers are nice people but you drive like you found your license in a box of crackerjacks!  Besides being rude, selfish, and ignorant you bastards could manage to shave and or shower here and there.

In the famous words of Kanye West "Wait til I get my money right".  When that happens all you f*ck boy drivers are in trouble.  I am going to get a hummer the real hummer. Military issued, gas guzzling, off road, drive through a mountain hummer.  I will purchase the BEST insurance known to man and have a freaking ball.  My license plate will say "It was me".  If you are driving in front of me and the light is yellow don't you come to a stop it means proceed with caution not stop your damn vehicle.  IF you decide to not obey the light I will ram my hummer into the back of your vehicle with no concern for human life.  While driving in front of me and you decide that the cool thing is to stop your vehicle and throw on your hazard lights and open the door I will take that b*tch CLEAN off.  Last but not least I know this is more pedestrian related but parents if you even step out with your little child in the street and it is my right away you already know what it is!!! 

Drivers that don't drive like me I SPIT on you!!!

Take the damn bus

Well since it is out there that I don't really give a flying 747 f*ck about pedestrians I should go ahead and let everybody know that I equally if not more dislike bikers.  It just so happens that a lot of bikers are damn hipsters go figure.

Bikers, ride around like they are either A) immortal or B) God and both answers are wrong.  B*tch you are on a f*cking bike.  That sh*t is some aluminum and rubber dawg!!!  You should slow the f*ck down and stop weaving in and out of traffic.  Other drivers give a f*ck but I do not, you know why FULL COVERAGE b*tches!!!  What really kills me is that they are suppose to obey the same laws as cars but they don't whatsoever and then have the nerve to get mad if they almost get hit.  Your bikes are not wrapped in armor you are naked like the pedestrians idiots so slow down and don't get in my way.

I am sure that bikers are some of the dumbest motherf*ckers known to man!!  In this one particular incident I watched a biker tailgate a car as this car made a left turn and then the car came to a sudden stop and then the nonsense ensued.  I watched the bike run into the back of the car and the driver collapsed onto the hood of the car like he was assassinated!!! My reaction was of the "Ohhh diiiizamn" variety.  He looked like he was in pain and could have used a hand but I kept driving home he should have been a smarter driver.  Looking back on things I could have at least called the ambulance but ehhh I am sure he had a cellphone.

The second incident this biker did the same exact thing.  It was like a bad case of dejavu stupidity!!  The reaction was more of the same on my part but this time it ended with giggles.  In short bikers that are all over the place weaving in and out of traffic, no hand signal using, no courtesy having punks all you guys eat crushed glass!!!

F&ck You Pay Me!!!

B*tch, when I have it so will you.  Bill collectors you can all suck my left n*t. Naw naw, I would not even give you that pleasure of doing that.*random alert*  Why do men say things like suck my d*ck or lick on deez nuts like that would be such a horrible thing?  In life isn't that what you want?  It makes no sense to ever say this in a demeaning way whatsoever.  Truthfully, you should add a "would you please" to turn it into a question and you might get a better answer. *end of randomness*

Bill collectors you are the bane of my existence.  I will talk to you once in a while you call but not every single time you call. So stop f*cking calling.  I pick up the first time and tell you "Maaaan, I aint got it but when I do we can work something out".  So why in the hell do you continue to call me all the damn time?  At no point have I contacted you to say "Hey I got it" so let it go.  I do not want to talk to you because we have nothing to talk about.  You want my money and I have none.  That conversation is no fun at all for you or me.  You calling a bunch of times a day does not but make me pick up the phone it does the exact opposite.  I am sure you are tired of leaving voice mails and I am tired of deleting them. 

I am thinking I will call you at random times of the day looking for something I know you don't have.  Better yet I will call your offices and just leave messages.  "Good morning, this is Brantley Taylor I am calling to say I don't have it.  When I do have it I just might make you beg for it even though I hate beggars.  So, if you beg for it you might never see it."  When I call you I am going to call you from random numbers so I can "trick" you guys into thinking that one of your friends is calling to see how you are doing.  Then when I don't hear from you I will use your first name so you think it is somebody from your past and make you want to call back. SMH

Bill collectors go drink after Magic Johnson!!!

I am not the Father!!

I think watching the Maury show made these feelings come out that I try so hard to supress.  It is not my fault that I feel this way it really is not.

Parents stop forcing your f*cking children on me.  I don't give a f*ck that your child is the sunshine in your damn life.  That is fine and dandy and everything but that is not my child.  Let your child be the center of your universe not mine.  I mean that was your 15 seconds of fun anyways!!!  If you ask me you probably should have been more creative and swallowed but that is neither here nor there.  The one child that is my pride and joy is my God child so everybody else can screw off.

Don't get it twisted, I do like children but I need to ease my way there.  The natural progression of me and the child building a relationship will happen without you trying to get a free babysitting moment.  The fact of the matter is that you think I am supposed to spend time with the lil booger because it is yours.  What makes you think I give a f*ck about you that much?  I understand that children are expensive, time consuming and can be down right annoying but you should not have poked holes in the condom because you thought the dude was a good catch or because the chick was so bad and you wanted her to be with you forever.

F*ck you, your child and for good measure your couch too!!!!

Put your hand in your pocket

Please put your damn hand back in your raggedy ass pocket.  There is nothing I hate more than motherf*cking beggars.  Don't ask me for nothing!!  In the words of 50 Cent "Come to me with your hand out I am going to spit in your f*cking hand".* random thought* Maybe my love of 50 cent music fuels my anger and aggression.

The kids who play AAU basketball, cheer lead, or whatever activity they participate in who stand on the islands by the train station absolutely kill me.  You know it is really the adults who are in charge of those shenanigans that all of my ire goes to.  What upsets me is that they are teaching these children that anything you want in life you should beg people for help and they will feel sorry for you and throw some money your way.  This is exactly how worthless individuals are raised to make sh*tty as* contributions to society.

Instead of having these kids with signs and buckets asking me for my hard earned money why don't you do something constructive you lil bastards.  I much rather your parents or coach take they lazy a*ses  to BJ's Sam's Club and buy candy in bulk and you get out there and sell me that.  I am more likely to buy three packets of M &M's for  $1 a piece than give you any loose change because you want to play in Florida.  B*tch I want to go to Florida too but nobody is going to give my grown as* money to take a trip.  How about hold a car wash to earn money?  I would take my clean car to a fundraiser and just might give you the money and not even get the car washed to help you out.  Oh, what is that you are too lazy to do any damn work well f*ck you and your dreams!!

Homeless people that wander the streets asking for money put your hands back in your pants because your pockets probably have holes in them anyway.  This one particular incident I was at Checkers and this woman was hungry and she asked me to get her some food.  In this particular incident she was asking for french fries, chicken wings and a soda from the Chinese food store.  So, I get her a chicken tender value menu and this broke beat bitch turns her nose up at that shit and yells at me because it is not chicken wings.  So if you have NOTHING and you are going to get fed for free you should shut the hell up.  She probably wanted money so she could buy more crack because I know her ass could not afford coke.



Beggars we SPIT on you!!!

Second Chances

In life sometimes there are second chances and other times not so much.  Some people know what to do with second chances and others don't.  Ideally you would think people would learn from their first mistake but some motherf*ckers are just too dumb to get it.

Lets take Clifford Harris for example aka T.I. aka T.I.P. aka I will get plowed in jail if I don't lift weights.  From jump street before the machine gun arrest he was already a felon for some stupid sh*t.  In theory he should already be walking on eggshells because he has f*cked up multiple times before but nooooo you had to be a bad ass.  You get the guns and silencers and get caught in the parking lot of a K-mart, Walmart, Target or something along those lines on some real f*ck boy sh*t.  When everything was all said and done Clifford ended up doing about a year and a day behind bars give or take time for good behavior or something.  Made a damn good cd in Paper Trail through all of this nonsense.  You would think that would be enough for a person to wise the f*ck up but  naaaw.


Fast forward a couple months after getting out of jail and getting married this dumb bastard gets arrested AGAIN!!  This time he was with his wife Tiny(yeah I know) out in Vegas.  He was pushing the Maybach with the wife and the dummy made an illegal U-turn got pulled over by the police and they got caught with drugs in the car.  First of all who drives a damn Maybach without the chauffeur?  Two, who just gets out of jail and rides around with epills.  Now, my theory is that he had the drugs to look at his wife but I guess in the grand scheme of things that is neither here nor there.  All I know this was hi umpteenth chance and the a*&hole could not get it right.  He has to do another 11 months in jail and was bitching about forgiveness and he needs help about his addiction or some nonsense.  I say f*ck this simple, young, rich motherf*cker!!  Go to jail redo your album and don't drop the soap.  However, if you do remember twist and clench!!!

Random text

As I have gotten older, moodier, and less talkative on the cell phone I have grown to love and appreciate the text message.  If you are in lecture and need to relay on a message  without leaving your seat or causing a distrubance BOOM there you have it.  If you are in lecture and your are taking a test and you are presented with something you have never seen WA LA text a friend.*jk*  Ever been in a situation where you wanted to ask one question and then end the conversation?  Well there you have it with a one and done text.  If done properly a text message can even make you appear smarter than what you are.  You can thesaurus some words look up a great quote or something along those lines.

Even though I love text messages very much so what pisses me off are early morning text messages that are beyond randomness.  I mean WTF.  What makes you think I am up at 7am on my days off?  So, even if I were up this early why in the hell would you send me a text message that has nothing to do with anything?  If you are going to wake me up please make me laugh, really need me, or be a damn good friend.  I mean what goes on through your head to even think this is even remotely appropriate? So, I don't f*ck with you like that and your text is not informing me that you have a pile of money waiting for me in a black duffel bag with a helicopter gassed up why even wake me up! 

If I do respond to your text message you then at least owe me the courtesy of carrying a conversation with me. If I do respond and you decide not to answer me back we will have problems that might result in your tires being slashed repeatedly.  If you do not have a car I will find you and throw my phone at your head and yell "TEXT".  I am not the nicest guy in the world but please believe a random person in my phone does not get the text early in the morning about nothing but on second thought maybe I should start.


Early morning random annoying text messaging people about nothing I  SPIT on you!!!

Hipster

The word hipster defined by dictionary.com is as follows:

hip·ster

¹    [hip-ster]  Show IPA

–noun Slang .

1.

a person who is hip.

2.

hepcat.

3.

a person, esp. during the 1950s, characterized by aparticularly strong sense of alienation from most establishedsocial activities and relationships.

From this definition we get somewhat of an idea of what a hipster is.  To be quite honest I am not sure how I feel about hipsters.  It is what we might call a love hate relationship.  I have many acquaintances and quite possibly a few people I would call friends that are hipsters so this is all baffling to me.  The love part is that I have spent quality time with the hipsters in my life and would not trade it for much.  There has been many beers shared over bowling and great music.  However, a few things about them bother me.

One of the big issues stems from the fact that they all seem to work and shop at Whole Foods.  This one particular experience just made me laugh and shake my head all at once.  To keep things simple security guard kept me under a watchful eye for most of my time in the store.  While most people may be irked by the situation it made me laugh that ole boy decided to watch me with all these damn weirdos in the store.  Reaaally, he works in a store with people tatted the f*ck up who have bandannas tied around the head and have the longest, dirtiest hair I have seen and you watching ME??  I know they can't steal anything out of the store with their tight as* jeans but they sure could put a loaf of bread in that bird nest on their head.

Another part of this love hate relationship that kills me is that I might be scared of them.  The hipsters I bump into seem to run in packs when I see them on the streets.  Secretly I might be scared that they are going to jump me, beat me up and force skinny jeans on me.  Then kidnap me and not let me shave or shower so I blend in with the rest of them.  Then some days I see them with their dogs that look like they have just escaped the gates of hell and would gnaw your f*cking ankle off.  Apparently there is a term for these types and are not hipsters from what I hear but you could have fooled me.

Right Away

Some might say that I have road rage but I like to think of it as "I just have more common sense than you awareness".  It could be a male thing, a black thing, a Baltimore thing, or just a common sense thing.  Just the lack of awareness by pedestrians is completely mind boggling.

I need to make this completely clear and I want everybody to understand what I am saying.  I DO have car insurance and I DO NOT mind having a low speed accident with a stupid pedestrian.  Accidents on the highway they might not end up well for me but accidents on the street lets play demolition derby motherf*ckers!!  As*holes with earphones in your ear you should pay attention if you don't want to end up in the hospital.  Take for instance the other night on 33rd street this clown steps out in the street and looks but in the WRONG direction.  It is a f*cking one way street you d*ckhead why look the one direction that cars won't be coming from.  If I was not on my way back to work I would have taken the sucka out just off of general principal!

What really pisses me off are the pedestrians that walk out in the crosswalk when I have the green light.  Who does that sh*t?  What they don't realize is that I will accelerate towards them and only slow down to roll down my window to cuss them out.  I mean what about my green light makes them think that is alright for them to step out into the street?  My car weighs 2,983 lbs unless you weigh 2,984lbs you should get the f*ck outta my way.  As a pedestrian why even take the chance with a vehicle especially with a guy like me because if you catch me on the wrong day I might throw the car in reverse after I hit you just because I can.  If you do have the right away and I am at a stop sign please do not take your time and lolligag in the crosswalk.  I do have places to go and will rev my engine and my foot might slip off the brake.

So in short if you do not give a f*ck about your life neither do I!!


Dumb pedestrians I SPIT on you!!!

What is yo name

***random alert** Don't judge me

I am not sure why I was thinking about strip clubs 10am in the morning but I was. (forgive me Mom)  Well, actually I got to strip clubs from a crude joke from a friend.  Long story short he asked if my knee is feeling any better to which I replied with a "No" and he responds with "Are you using pillows".  Which prompted the response "I am using your pillow". (forgive me Mom again)  I am as confused as I read back on this sh*t on how I got to strippers.  My thought process went into how there will be a new coworker starting and how I usually give a fake name just to be the a*&hole.  *light goes off in head*  annnnd there we have it!!

So from time to time I have may have visited a strip club or two for pure sh8ts and giggles.  What always blows my mind are the need for the strippers to ask what your name is.  Some call it good customer service me personally I wonder if they think I am lonely, desperate, or rich.  When asked this question my answer is always the same: My name is Mike Williams.  It is very generic, easy to remember and something that they don't have to ask "WHAT" over and over, and gets them out of my face ASAP.

What makes these chicks think that I would give them my real name?  I mean if I ask their name they just tell me it is Candy, Storm, Thunder, or something else completely ridiculous.  So if they are in the business of having fake names why can't I?  I at least keep my name respectable and if they facebook that name it will keep them busy for hours trying to find the "real" Mike Williams.

Strippers we SPIT err--you know what I have a soft spot in my heart for ya!!


*all those ladies that do strip drop me a line at 443 juuust playing*

You are not a Professional

Where have all the professionals gone?  If anybody knows the answer to this please let me know.  I only ask this question because of the nonsense that I have just experienced in the last two days.  Currently I am entertaining all different types of job opportunities but one of them has completely blown my top.

Monday, I interviewed over the phone with this unnamed company that went well enough for to request a in person interview.  For the sake of the story we will call the contact person Shantia.(yea I know) Shantia asks for my schedule for the rest of the week which I reply I work 2pm to 11pm on the weekdays.  Together we came up with the time of 11am on Thursday morning for this in person interview and Shantia says she will email with all the details that evening (Tuesday).  Of course I did not get an email that night but the next morning which was no big deal until I read Wed morning what this damn email said.  In a nutshell she was informing me that she changed the interview from Thursday 11am to Friday at 1pm.  B*tch how are you going to change the interview to another day and time without asking me.  Not only did you change the day but the time you chose is an hour before I go into work.  How in the hell did you think that was going to work?  I am not the f*cking Flash you simple bastard.  Me being the polite, well mannered young man that I am ;) emailed Shantia that this time would be no dice for me.  So then she asks if I can do 11am on Friday but of course I have already made plans on Friday because I was supposed to interview on Thursday.  Long story short we settle for Monday at 1pm.  They still did not take into consideration that I work at 2pm but f*ck it!

I just want to know what made them think they could just change the day and time and everything was going to be copacetic when we originally agreed on something else.  Who does that?  Sure, I am the interviewee and they are the potential employer and maybe they figured I really need the job and they are in the position of power.  What they simply forgot is the fact that they have a damn job opening that needs to be filled!!!  We are kind of on equal footing here.  When did that whole process become all about you unnamed company?  Oh yeah that is right it is not.  I will let you in on a little secret:  I am not taking the job if offered anyways!!!

Whaasssup Doc??

Soo, remember how I said yesterday Doctor's should have a degree??  After the visit today I feel like I was bamboozled. My $20 co-pay made me so DAMN mad.  I could have swore these things used to be like $5!!  The nurse was half disgruntled and did not know how to speak.  That $20 co-pay means you should respond to "good morning" and a Mr. Taylor would not hurt either.  Granted this is not the Doctor's fault but she should at least know how to control her stable.

Maybe I was expecting more from the regular check up at the Doctors but I was underwhelmed greatly.  When I was a child the Doctor used to stick his hand down my pants coddle my testicles and tell me to cough.  I purposely chose a woman Doctor to erase those horrible memories but I guess the testicle grabbing ends when you are grown.  Imagine how pissed I was to find that just want not happening anymore.  If you know me you do really understand I am damn upset about this.  The fact that it does not happen anymore makes me really wonder was this guy just enjoying himself.  Must not be that important for it to stop now.

Long story short she asked me a couple of questions made me say "ahhh" and examined my knee only because of the complaints I had for it.  The blood work I had done she gave me the option of getting it done or not.  I thought maybe checking if I had bad cholesterol would not be an optional thing but something mandatory because it is important.  Guess not!!  The real icing on the cake for me was her telling me that I was healthy and young and I don't have to come back for another few years.  Excuse me, what the f*ck did you just tell me?  Seriously I mean what if in the next year something develops and I don't realize it and by the time I get to you it is already too late!  Besides, if you get paid every time I see your a&* why not tell me to see you at least once a year.  Makes sense to me but ehhh well.

Piece of Paper

It is really all about that piece of paper?  Why is about that piece of paper?  I mean it does not even have any pictures of dead guys on there.  I can't buy sneakers, groceries, or anything of value with this.  Some may say I can buy financial freedom or my way into a job with this degree but to that I say suck it!!

Actually I am pretty sure this college system is a sham for most students who do not decide to pursue degrees in really advanced areas of study.  I mean really you go to school for 4 or 5 years of school to get this degree struggle to find a job that pays $30,000 a year.  Get outta here!!  I can't buy any car with the f*cking roof missing on $30,000 a year because the loans to pay for the stupid a*& degree has to be paid.  Everything is out of whack.  You are paying to get your foot in the door and maybe have a chance to be stupid successful.

Besides engineers, doctors and a few other professions I think a degree is pointless.  Law degrees??  That just tells me that you have done a lot of reading and can argue.  If you dedicate time to reading and understanding the law and studying past cases YOU could be a lawyer too.

Over the summer I had a management position for a hotel in the city and before working there I had NO hotel experience.  So, you are telling me that I really need to finish school to get my hospitality degree so I can go BACK to being a manager.  Sounds pretty stupid, huh?  A cat I know has the degree that I do not have so he could get a job being a waiter at one of the premier luxury hotels in the city.  Sure, he can move up the chain and make all the connects to network but still.  At what point do you start questioning the last 5 years of life and the six figures you spent for this degree.  If I a potential employer and have to choose between the recent grad with no experience for the position and the college dropout with relevant work experience for the job I know who I am going with 98% of the time.

Sure, I probably should be shot for having this way of thinking working at institution of education but it is what it is.  Unfortunately my theory and way of thinking will never be very popular.  See the boss of whatever corporation you might work for had to pay for his/her degree and thinks you should have to do the same.  It does not matter how capable you are of the job.


If I could do this all over again I would rather my parents give me the money they spent for loans on education and gave the money to me so I could do something else productive. Do you know how many guns, ammo, ski mask, rope, and cargo vans I could get with $100k.  Neither do I but you get the idea.  The revolution would have been ON and POPPIN!!!




I SPIT on you worthless Degree club!!!

I am however proud of all my Drexel people that got out and that is making that paper!!!

Something for your mind

"Giiiiirl, why do you open your thighs so wide?  Do you know what your self worth is?  Your body is a temple and your mind should be mine"  Shut the f*ck up male spoken word artist!!  You know who you are those guys always kicking that buuuullsh*t.  You guys slay me and make me throw up a little bit in my mouth.

I barely take any of you guys seriously.  For the most part you make me laugh and then take a nap on train tracks.  I mean really who are you fooling?  You talk this sh*t about appreciating the women because you do NOT have one corny a*& sucka!!  You talk that good good about rebuilding the community because you were the kid that picked on by the neighborhood bully.

I like poetry as much as the next person and I do appreciate good poems but these male spoken word artists kill me.  Sure, there are some that are out there that are not that bad but they are are faaaar and few in between.  Maybe, I don't like you because you always have this "better than thou" vibe or maybe I am mad that I can never ever get the time I spent listening to you back.

Mr. Spoken Word Artist how about you take a different career choice and try being a con man.  I see so many ladies swoon over the words that come out of your mouth and say "Giiirl he is so deep". * confused look*  Chick, all he really said was that he wanted to have sex with you and wanted a lil head from your friend.  You fool so many people into thinking you have talent when in reality it is minimal.  Matter of fact spoken word artist I have something for you:

The way your words are twisted and spit, I can tell you aint sh*t.
Your dirty clothes let me know you are down on your luck.
Do us all a favor can you, will you?
Find that man in the mirror and knock yourself out!!! *snaps *