Scrooge

Christmas is only a few days away while there are tons of people who have finished their X-mas shopping but there are tons more who have not finished/started.  I am sure you already know which one your boy is.  For that reason that is why I feel like the Scrooge in me has come the hell out.

So I am in the store browsing and attempting to do this shopping with no money and I get distracted by the hoodrats everywhere.  Now, I know this is my fault for waiting until the last minute but I did not even know hoodrats would drive out to the Target on City Live Ave.  I mean that is why I went there instead of the one in South Philly.  Anyways I turn around and I see a few chicks in their scrubs.  This kills me for many different reasons.  First of all I am just not sure if you have germs, SARS, Swine flu or what all over you.  I am not sure where you are coming from.  You could work in the labs that has those monkeys that the Gov't runs test trials and gives AIDS to before they give it to the African American population but that is another post.  Seriously, where are your clothes you look silly with the whole getup on.  I will let you rock out with the top on but the pants too??

Lets be honest hood b*tch you are not a real nurse. You don't have anything saying RN attached to your name.  You can perpetrate for everybody else but you not fooling me into thinking you might be doing something important.  In fact I am pretty sure some of you just purchase these scrubs to walk around in public thinking you are the sh*t when in fact you look rather foolish.  You know how I know you aint saving lives?  When you have those initials RN you tend to have a little bit of money left over after you take care of life essentials.  All the RN's I know have their weaves TIGHT, dreadlocks on point(word to Hopkins), hair flowing not you hoodrat.  You are on the corner of the bus stop taking your tracks out and what is that glue from your hair now on the cement. With the words that just came out of your mouth furthermore lets me know that you do/did not attend school for nursing but you went for a language.  You know Ebonics yup that is the one.

I am sure there are a lot of people who will have no clue what the hell I am talking about and then there are others who know exactly what I am talking about.   Then there is that section of people who think I am just plain wrong for it but f*ck you.  Of course then we have the actual hoodrats.  I would be scared that you might see me in the streets and would want to get it poppington but ehhh I doubt you can read anyways. 

X-mas List!!!

Since the holidays are upon us and Christmas is less than a week away I decided I would share my X-mas list with everybody.  It is has been a long time since I have actually made a X-mas list because I have gotten older the presents don't mean as much and I much rather be at home chilaxin but don't get it twisted presents are still the SH*T!!!

1.Mike Vick gets a better public relations person.  It is not my money but you should not get your wife a 90,000 car.  You can afford it cool, but you know the media is out for blood.  My advice get another contract then get the whip that way its slices the hater criticism in half.

2. A bottle of American Honey.  This is the best tasting whiskey bourbon liquor ever!!

3. A Philadelphia Parking Authority vehicle to get a ticket, lose a tire, or any type of mischief.

4. All my damn Jay-Z albums that were stolen.

5. The general manager of the Wizards to get demoted for his trade to get Rashard Lewis.

6. McNabb to play for the Vikings.

7. Septa buses to pull the f*ck over to the stop when picking up or dropping off passengers.

8. The people getting off or on the Septa bus to hurry the hell up.

9. Women who dress like men and who take on their mannerisms to STOP.  You still bleed at least once a month.

10. To go read my favorite comic site!!

11. Peace, prosperity and peace of mind for all of you out there

The end!!

Tabernacle

The post today will be something out of the norm from Spitting and Cussing.  My good friend will be taking over the duties for today and will be the special blogger.  Stef Black and I have known each other since freshman year of college and it is my pleasure to give him this opportunity to speak his mind.  The views represented do not necessarily represent the views of Spitting and Cussing and all that other jazz.  However, I simply say AMEN.

So my man B. dot and I were having one of our usual f*ck the world conversations, when we came across a topic that seems so taboo to discuss, that I asked him to allow me to vent about it through his blog. The topic I am referring to is RELIGION. I am sorry, but I gotta keep it real. And I am also sorry for taking over B’s webwaves but I got something to say! I will be brief..

I have such a problem with religion that I am forced to tell people I have none. I mean hey, was Jesus a Christian? Not that I don’t believe in God because I do. I also believe that Jesus died for the sins of man. But I guess I had enough, after seeing a repeated cycle of what seems to be an organized, theatrical telethon that we call the 21^st Century Christian experience. I’m tired of hearing the scandal, seeing pastors in church doing cartwheels, and hitting high notes, while the lady in the 3^rd row gives the last of her money for the “church fund”.  After church, that same lady walks to catch the bus while the pastor and his associates drive off in their Beamer, Benz or Bentley. No one is perfect but when things go wrong in the church those people need to be made an example of and not protected by their co-worshipers. What this cycle does is push the REAL people away from church, and allow the fake to congregate inside. At least that’s how it seems.

Sitting in church, watching people shout, jump, scream, cry, and listening to the pastor PAUSE when his words don’t incite enough excitement from his parishioners, it makes me question what is it all for? Perhaps I have begun to appreciate the calmer more peaceful Catholic service I once knew. Maybe I am not as strong of a Christian if I am not able to shout jibberish and move around uncontrollably while I pray. It took a lot of prayer, understanding and Knowledge of Self to realize that God is in each of us, and His relationship with us can be greater and more powerful than the artificial theatrics that many churches project. Gaining a true understanding of my relationship with God also further gives me freedom to say that organized religion as we know it is some bull sh*t!!!

Yet it continues, tricked down to the next generation of future church-goers. The question is how much more watered down will it be for our children. How far will we deviate from the personal relationship with God that we all really need? Tomorrow’s pastor could be today’s praise dancer, Christian rapper, or even today’s pimp or drug dealer. From a young age I think people are able to grasp how to get what they want from others. Whether it’s a lady who knows how to flirt to get that free Super Size or the pastor who can make you put $30 more in the collection plate with some smooth words about sacrifice.  For this reason, I can’t just sit back and listen without question the derivative of the church’s actions. That is not meant as any disrespect to people who are serious about their relationship with God, but come on! WAKE UP!!! People hate on Catholics and their priests a whole lot, but you know what??? If I wasn’t allowed to get married, had to live at the church, and was being watched constantly I would probably f*ck up too! Matter of fact, I would probably be at the strip club with the ill disguise on right now! My point is we are all flawed, lol

My main point is, in light of all the things I see and have seen, I can’t give churches the benefit of the doubt I used to. We should put our trust in NO MAN, I just think that the Church should be viewed the same way. The same way Burger King and Free Credit Score use Hip-hop to channel your attention; do not think that the church is not capable of doing the same.

All I am saying is think people….or this could be the future of religion!!! http://www.comedycentral.com/tosh.0/2010/08/16/this-weeks-web-redemption-angry-black-preacher/

I will say what the hell I want

I have been wanting to get this off my chest for a few weeks or so.  Not too long ago popular and influential Hot 97 Dj Funkmaster Flex went on a rant that went viral about deceased rap legend Tupac Shakur.
Funk going off!!

In a nutshell he did not have too many kinds words for Pac but later on his show went on to explain what he really meant and doing the half backpedal dance.  I understand where he was coming from Tupac did not have kind words to say about Funk or his associates when he was alive and that is a lot of bad blood.  Most people have gone on to say that because Pac is dead that the beef should have ended or 10 years is a long time to carry a grudge.

To all those who think that I simply say blow it out your a**!!!  I could be beefing with somebody and if they were bringing the kind of heat Pac was bringing I may not let it go either.  If somebody drops dead in the middle of a beef with me are my feelings are supposed to change because they are dead?  Does that lessen the impact that this person may have had on my life?  If somebody was coming out of their mouth with hate and all types of threats why would I not be happy that they are no longer around?  Death does suck because there is no coming back from that unless it is "The Walking Dead" show (which I HIGHLY recommend you watch) but sometimes that is how stuff goes.

I just want to bring this up to make you think.  Are Jewish people supposed to forgive Hitler for the a** whoopings he put on them?  Yeah did not really think so!!  It is hard to forgive and forget when so much hate is is thrown your way or thrown upon people you associate with.  You can easily say Hitler was a killer and Pac did not harm anybody physically but mental fatigue and stress is a killer in itself.  There is no uproar if somebody says Hitler was dumb b*tch.  There was plenty uproar when everybody thought Will Smith made a comment stating that he believed Hitler to be a good person with twisted logic or whatever.

When Massa was whooping the slaves a** were they supposed be to cool when Massa died from the revolution?  All them whip lashings, rapes, murders, picking cotton in the hot a** sun is supposed to be okay because they punk a** is dead.  With all that said Funk you are well within your right to say whatever you want in a public forum stay strong brotha but you definitely picked the wrong person to voice your displeasure on.  Freedom of speech lives on!!!

Race is the game

Lets talk about the dreaded R word.  RACISM!!  Or rather the use of the race card.  Those not familiar with what the race card is it is usually pulled when something goes wrong and somebody may say, "well if I was not _____ I would have gotten the job".  The race card is commonly used by African Americans or people of Hispanic background.  Here at spitting and cussing we love and hate all races differently BUT equally. (I kid)

Not sure if anybody has seen the Duncan Hines commercial that was pulled because of racist claims.  If not I will show you.




Was that commercial offensive.  In my opinion not really it was mild at best.  I am going to say some black people saw this and could see nothing but the chocolate icing and harmonizing and LOST it.  Sure, the advertisers were complete idiots for not mixing the icing up on the cupcakes.  Strawberry and vanilla should have been thrown in there and all of this controversy would not even exist.  Lets face it, whoever thought this was a good idea was not that far off.  Now in the world of race and media one of these mistakes can doom a career or sink a company.  It is safe to say whoever made that commercial we might not be seeing anything from them in a little bit.

Are people really that sensitive these days?  Was that commercial really enough to get in uproar about?  Am I just that much of a insensitive guy?

It has to be crack

Tobacco is some of the most addictive stuff on the face of this earth.  Specifically cigarettes sometimes referred to as cigs or loosies.  I am not a big fan of cigarettes but I am in awe of the power that they hold.

I am not a huge smoker, I have never had a cigarette, occasionally I enjoy a cigar but that is it. Most cigs smell horribly, makes the air stuffy, leaves some people with stained teeth but that just could be from them not brushing their teeth but I digress.  Personally I know a lot of men who will see a woman with a cigarette in their mouth and they are instantly turned off and any types of wild thoughts vanishes in the thins air.  Me personally would never turn down Jessica Rabbit off of "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" but I am a sick sick man.

I respect the fact that cigarettes can be addicting but they make these chain smokers look like crack heads.  Mother Nature has been on her BEST bullsh*t the last few days throwing out 33 degree weather during the day and 24 degrees at night.  I mean it has been cold to the point of my damn face hurting and me contemplating ways to transport myself without actually having to step outside.  Just think about the fact that people will leave a warm room to step outside and smoke cigs in the cold a** weather in damn pajamas pants a hoodie.  Or trying wrapping your mind around the fact that these people were in the warmth relaxing and will throw on multiple layers of clothes to step outside and smoke this cigarette for 5 minutes then go back inside.  That is some addictive a** stuff.

Really grasp the fact that on every packs of cigarettes there is a surgeon generals warning that states:

• SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy.
• SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health.
• SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking By Pregnant Women May Result in Fetal Injury, Premature Birth, And Low Birth Weight.
• SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cigarette Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide.

The first one simply says your lungs and heart will shut off.  The second one says STOP now you are killing yourself.  The third one says STOP smoking now because you are with child you selfish motherf*cker!!  The fourth one says the stuff you are inhaling gases that were used for executions by the Greeks and Romans.  With a warning like that it is a wonder that people still smoke these things.


The only way I can imagine myself becoming a chain smoker is if the cigarette has been dipped in something that can be addicting that is like actually fun. Ehh, I dunno maybe something like sex or video games.  Better yet if I smoke a certain amount of cigarettes on the coldest day of the year I will finally find that pot of gold that is supposed to exist at the end of the rainbow.

Get at me Dog

I guess this has been a long overdue and a pretty controversial topic that has yet to be discussed.  Try not to be offended too much but what the hell is with a certain race and Michael Vick?  I mean do you guys really hate this man that much?

For the people not in the know about Michael Vick to make a long story short.  Former quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons who had signed a huge 100 million dollar contract, was a ring leader in illegal dog fighting down in VA, got caught served his time, lost all his money and is now the Eagles starting quarterback who is on a tear!!  Most people love redemption stories and here you think we have one for the ages for everybody to rally behind but this is not the case.

People just can't get passed his past and it is a damn sad thing.  I love animals as much as the next person but if you motherf*ckers don't chill out and let it go!!  It is horrible what he and other people did to those dogs but f*ck them Pitbulls.  What really slays me is the fact that people are outraged that the NFL are letting him play again.  The man almost spent two years in jail, is 12 million dollars in debt, missed time away from his family and lost his job.  He has paid his debt to society so why does he not deserve a chance to work again?  So what this his chosen profession people can earn millions of dollars that is why he chose to be a football player and not a custodian.  All this outrage over some dogs?  Not liked he killed some people or has a proven pattern as a serial rapist like another NFL quarterback out there.

I recently read this commentary on why the NFL is wrong and how it send a message to society that he may be rewarded a new million dollar contract and the MVP trophy.  From what I know the Most Valuable Player trophy is awarded for outstanding play on the field and not what they do off of it.  I can't for the life of me understand why he is disappointed with the praise that is heaped upon Vick his spectacular season.  Maybe, because that light in Vick's head has clicked and he is playing like everybody only dreamed and maybe because he is not on the field doing illegal things like killing dogs you d*ck, so there is no reason not to say "good damn job".

 Just for the people who don't understand why he is allowed to play in the NFL because he committed that crime I look at it a little differently.  For instance a pedophile should not be allowed to be around children, become a teach, camp counselor etc.  A computer hacker should not be allowed to be on a computer unsupervised.  A dog murderer should not allowed to be a veterinarian but you can be my franchise quarterback any day of the week as long as you are playing like Michael Vick is!!

I somehow think I would lose less sleep with the dog killer than hmm I dunno the MAN killer!!  Shout out to Mike Vick, it is still f*ck you Eagles for trading McNabb!!

Writer of the commentary and just cause you are behind a lot of this nonsense PETA!!  I hope you all get stuck in the room with a dog fighter and a serial killer and you choose to be friends with the serial killers.

Explain this to me

Many people say Babe Ruth is the greatest baseball player of all time.  Me personally I think he was just a fat white man that could hit.  I am taking Barry Bonds over every player of any era period!!  People don't like to mention Barry Bonds because he was an asshole to the media and later the steroids scandal thing.  To our knowledge he has never intentionally cheated so that now goes back to the media thing.  Allegedly Babe Ruth was a racist but that does not change how anybody felt about him being the best.

Why is it that NBA has minimum age requirement but MLB does not?  So it is cool to be 18 and play baseball as a living and not okay to be 18 and making a living in the NBA.  Dude from the Nationals Bryce Harper decided to pull out of high school and get a GED because he wanted to focus on baseball because he is supposed to be the next great thing.  Tennis athletes are competing on the pro circuit all the time before they even reach 18.  Though, if I recall correctly Venus and Serena Williams caught flak for being so young.  If I am wrong please let me know.

Why is it that when Brett Farve refuses to come out of the game when he is injured it is because he is a warrior and just wants to win sooo bad.  When Vince Young does that he has poor communication skills and has a bad attitude.  Just not sure why Brett is passionate and Vince is a knucklehead.

Random thoughts today.

I'll hit her if I have to

Why is that it is socially acceptable for women to hit men but men can't hit them back?  I know this is probably sounding quite simple or even barbaric but I really am curious.  In my mind this just a setup for the female to one day get her a** whooped.

I personally think you should not teach your children this and instead maybe teach them not to hit people in general.  A great disservice is done to children all over the world when this moronic theory is taught.  For example if a female was to hit the modern day B.Dot, she would be picking up her eye from across the room once she woke up.  Don't get it twisted the same goes for a man too.  I simply feel like that I would not hit you why would you do that to me?

I personally take any act of violence towards me rather real or perceived as a threat on my life and will act accordingly.  If you simply shove me expect a leg sweep from me if you punch me expect a roundhouse kick.  If you talk about harming me expect a top 10 a** whooping of all time.  The one thing we should have learned from President Bush should have been "preemptive strike".  In these days of uncertainty this is EVERYTHING.  If you jump all in somebody's grill before they get the chance to do any harm towards you everything works out in your favor.

Take Israel for example a few years ago when they had the war with Gaza.  Gaza was being cute and shooting mortars and stuff and then Israel came and f*cked up their military target, government buildings and police stations.  Then came back and f*cked up everything that they got on the first go round.  This is what we call "preemptive strike"!!  Sure Israel was frowned upon by some but at the end of the day things worked out for them because they won!!

You can't even spell it

Today I was driving in the city and I drove past G Lounge on 17th st between Market and Sansom and I had to chuckle about my last adventure there.  It was over a month ago that I was in G Lounge with one of my cousins and one of his friends.  It was my first time being in G Lounge in over a year and my cousin's friend had some pull where we could travel all throughout VIP and the vault area.

This friend his name is Corey (all names are purely fictional to protect their identities) and he is a hopeful NFL player and all around nice guy.  Most of his time is spent training and going to tryouts to make it to the big stage one day.  As the night was winding down we were leaving and Corey was conversing with some ladies on his way out.  There was nothing out of the unusual until this motherf*cker said, "Bitch this a BUUUUUUURBERRY sweater!!!".(If you see me in person ask for the impersonation, text does no justice)  I heard this come out of his mouth and lost it and broke into tears.  I mean really who says some fly crap like that out of their mouth.  So as we are all walking away to head home he then has the nerve to say, "How she going to come at the Buurberry sweater, it is Burberry!"  At this point I have realized that A.) I hope he gets a office job and never ever has to hit a person to make a living because he is a few head shots away from being a can of V8 or B.) that this name brand sh*t has gotten out of hand.  Mind you one of the nicest people I have ever met but I would bet my next paycheck that he could not spell as he says BUUUURBERRY.

I really started to think are name brands that important to people?  The answer is yes and that is alright if you have the money for it but if you don't chill the hell out.  Me personally am a sucka for Polo but will made sure I have paid all my bills before I go find a polo shirt on sale.  This dude Corey was really so impressed with his canary yellow Burberry sweater that he thought nobody should have said anything negative about it.  Mind you my cousin had to pay for all the drinks because Mr. Buuuurrberry had no money. 

With that said watch your money spend wisely, save wisely, invest wisely and go get you some Buuuurrberry!!!

I may have been stupid

Growing up as a child I was pretty damn book smart. Straight A's time and time again, magnet school and honor societies were a few examples of my academic prowess.  With that said everything was not always grand and looking back on a few things that I believed I can truly say that I had some dumb a** moments.  I will share a few of these moments.  Don't judge me too harshly like Erykah Badu said, "I'm an artist and I am sensitive about my sh*t".  Okay, not really sensitive you can call me a lot of things but sensitive aint one of them.

I was born on July 15th and therefore am a Cancer according to the Zodiac sign.  So, for a good chunk of my life I was secretly sad because I believed I had the real deal cancer.  For the longest time I could not understand why being born in July made me have cancer. smh

When I was five years old and was out by the beach and I remember somebody saying that this white lady had no butt.  From that day on I was under the assumption that white people literally had no butts and it was just a straight back.  I was totally confused on how they used the bathroom to do a number 2.

Growing up the commercial about teaching your kids that "virgin" is not a dirty word always came on during Saturday morning cartoons.  During my latter years of elementary school I remember people using that word and talking about sex like they really knew what was going on.  I thought sexual intercourse between a man and woman happened when a man used his genital and had to somehow connect with a woman's breast.  Never knew what the big deal about sex was it just seemed to difficult.

Those were the days when everything were oh so simple!!

Grow a set

I was talking with my Mom the other day and have realized that there are a lot of entitled motherf*ckers running around here.  One would even go out on a limb and say some are kind of soft.  They are not built Ford tough.  If If I was was Diddy it would be a case of b*tcha**ness!!

Trying to figure out where this sense of entitlement stems from with this generation a lot of people use little league baseball as a prime example.  In little league apparently everybody gets trophies now even if you did not win the championship.  That defeats the purpose of competition and trying your best if at the end of the day everybody gets a trophy.  Some people are okay with this logic but I just can't agree with this thought process at all.

I personally feel that getting your a** kicked in a sport while young is an invaluable lesson that every little kid needs.  See, when you get your face handed to you and you have any type of feelings running through your body you will make sure that sh*t will not happen again.  You stand outside and shoot hoops until the sun goes down, you bug your Father to play catch everyday until you are the best at what you do.  Hopefully this desire turns you into a better person.  You do not become a sore loser but you accept you can lose but never ever grow comfortable with it.  Once complacency sits in you should go ahead and drink the bleach.

So when I see all these people today who skip class that has mandatory attendance and they beg and plead with the Professor to get a passing grade it makes me sick.  They never understand why they are failing they think the Professor does not like them.  No, a** you think because you show up some of the time and you are an all around nice person somebody is supposed to be okay with this but it does not work like this dipsh*t.

All you sissies out here who has this entitlement complex man up and in the mean time duck my saliva!!!

Word of the day

As the holiday season quickly approaches I figure I would change things up with this post and share some of my favorite things with you wonderful people.  Today will be just a word or a saying that I like to use in everyday conversation.

One of my favorite words that I absolutely looove to use is "dougie".  I know I know strange word to love but hey it is what it is.  According to urbandictionary.com dougie can be described as, "swag or swagger".  Another definition is "to have a cool or hip style".  Me personally I like to throw my own little spin on the word dougie.

For example when people are fighting and somebody got they a** whooped I like to say, "Maan, they were out there getting they dougie on".  It makes perfect sense.  According to the dictionary the two fighters had "swag" as they fought it out.

I frequently use the term "dougie" when joking with friends or being an all around jerk.  For instance "I was getting dougie with your Mom last night". It was in context and damn funny if you ask me.

Annoyance

Things that bother me.

When in the strip club men "make it rain".  Maybe I am bothered because I can only "make it precipitate very very lightly" but who just gets rid of money like that?  I just love money too much money to just throw it up in the air and watch single mothers err- hard working professionals stuff it down whatever clothes they have on.


When women wear really skimpy clothes and their butt cheeks hang out and get mad when somebody has some fly sh*t to say out their mouth.  In the words of Dave Chapelle "Your not a hoe but you are wearing a hoe's uniform".  You do have every right to wear whatever type of clothing you choose but I'm saying.

When people try and the make the insane comparison that Kobe Bryant is better than Michael Jordan.  Please just stop.  I understand he has 5 rings and Jordan has 6.  Mike never ever lost any finals ever!!  Kobe has lost two and counting.  Somebody last year tried to use the dumb argument that Jordan has never won a game 7 in the finals.  B*tch Jordan never had to reach a game 7 you stupid motherf*cker!!  Jordan is the best ever period!!

When people touch my stuff and then ask for permission or don't even bother.  How are you going to ask for some of my candy after you done already put it in your mouth?  That is some disrespectful nonsense right there.  If I steal you in the jaw to knock my f*cking skittles out of your mouth and on to the floor you would be damn upset.  Why would I not be upset when you take my stuff.  *you know who you are*  Did I allow you to go into my book bag and use my laptop?  If I go into your purse and take your tampon without telling you and you need it later but it is not there you would be pretty pissed huh?  That is how I feel about my damn laptop.  * I would like to clarify about my earlier statement about clothes.  Women please do not stop wearing skimpy clothes I am not really complaining.