Somebody's watching me!!!

Thanks to www.philly.com.  I will say that sometimes these people writing in helps me find comfort within my own life. smh

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I moved into our first home two years ago. A few months after that, our lives got even better with the addition of our son. After living here for a while, we noticed that the neighbors behind us have a large window in their shower, and they tend to take a lot of nighttime showers. (I'm sure you can see where this is heading.) For a long time, we chose to ignore it, but my motherly instincts are getting the better of me now. I can't help thinking of the day when my son is old enough to realize what he's seeing.

My husband and I have been debating whether to tell our neighbors we can see them showering. Sometimes they get pretty carried away in there. Should I tell them we can see everything? And if so, how do I go about it without causing them to be embarrassed, ashamed or angry?

- Getting an Eyeful in Ohio

 Lets just start with the beginning of this letter.  Did you guys really have to throw the party about "our lives got even better with the addition of our son" in there?  You guys have less money than you did before, the dates have dwindled down, and if the wife is breast feeding the husband sure is not enjoying the fun bags anymore but I digress. I am sure you love your son more than life itself but shut up!

Soooo only after living there for a while did you notice the big a** window in your neighbors shower and that they did the wild monkey in the shower at night.  F*ck outta here who do you guys think you are fooling with that line.  I am going to go out on a limb and say that when you guys were house shopping you probably saw the big a** window and that sealed the deal for you.

When you guys said you "chose to ignore it" you really meant that you guys somehow managed to keep your lips shut and not tell your friends that you secretly tape your neighbors dig each other out.  Another thing don't try to blame this on your motherly instincts either.  You probably have not shed your pregnancy fat and your husband does not find your attractive anymore and he has started spending more time in the mancave with his Maxim magazines.  Then again your husband could be going through some issues getting the motor started and is too afraid to try the Extenze pills.  Let me tell you something else I know you and your husband talk about telling your neighbors but he does not want to and only engages in these conversations so that you feel he really cares about your feelings and such.  You are ruining his fun you selfish bastard.  STOP IT!!

How about you don't tell your neighbors and maybe just hang a damn curtain up in YOUR motherfreaking window.  I highly doubt they are embarrassed because they probably know yall freak nasties are watching them and they are purposely putting on a show.(there is a name for that)  At the end of the day you guys look like the fools for waiting so long to tell them about their showering habits.  It is too late now CHUMPS!!!

She is a lady of the night!!!

Thanks to Philly.com I have another Dear Abby advice column to answer.

DEAR ABBY: I'm dating a prostitute and have developed feelings for her. The problem is her "job" gets in the way. She has talked about getting another job, but nothing ever happens.

- My Name's Not John

 Answer:  Boooy oh boy!  Where do we even start with this right here?  I mean this sh*t riight heeere!!  Dude, I mean really so you know you are dating a prostitute and you are okay with this?  That alone lets me know that you have some low self-esteem issues going on.  We all have bad days and low moments in life but dating a whore is pretty bad.  I hope you don't mind me calling your lady friend a whore but I am just calling a spade a spade.

I will say this with the economy being as bad as it is I do commend you on finding a partner who has a job. (giggles)  Sure, it is the oldest job known to man but nobody is perfect, right? (more giggles)  I am just curious to as what point did you realize that you caught feelings for this hoe.  Was it before or after one of the many money transactions?  Did she give you a free hand job and it showed that you really meant something to her?  Did she give one of your friends a half off discount?  Truth be told I am curious how you two met because you may not have been a customer but good friends.  I apologize for thinking that you had to pay for sex because it could have been free of charge but I somehow highly doubt that. 

Sir, did you really think she was going to get another job?  When is the last time you looked at her resume?  The problem with her getting another job is that her resume has all the wrong buzz words.  Her resume has sucking, blowing, intercourse,anal, and things of that nature which are really not endearing to most employers.  At this point she can either go be a stripper or a porn star but I am not sure if that would really make you feel that much better about your relationship.  At least your friends won't feel awkward when they say they saw your girlfriend at work. (more giggles)

I would say that I feel for you because of your low self-esteem issues and this horrible relationship that you have yourself in but I don't.  Nobody told you to be Captain Save A Hoe!!  Besides you broke rules number 1 and 33

1. Never date a prostitute 

33. Never date a prostitute

Do yourself a favor and always use a condom because trust me she is a whore.( in tears) 

Monkeying Around

So on Saturday I went to see the movie "Rise of the Planet of the Apes".  Great movie and I think everybody should go see it but of course there were a few things that pissed me off.  And to think I was getting better with these things but maybe not.

I hate when people know what time the movie starts but yet manages to come in late.  For some odd reason that sh*t bothers me to my core.  Maybe it is because there are always some a**holes that will want to sit in the same damn aisle that I am in.  Sure, I always find a great aisle but I got to the damn theater early to find my seat and not have to ruin anybody's viewing pleasure.  Since this technology sh*t keeps advancing I think once the movie starts all late people must sit down at bottom seats and have a stiff neck from looking straight up.  If anybody attempts to sit in the good section they should be hit with a stun gun by a usher.  Pretty sure there are some legal issues with that but f*ck em, I am sure they will make sure that sh*t does not happen again.

IF you do come late to the movie and it has already started please shut the f*ck up!!  That is damn rude to come into the theater talking and being loud at that.  Saturday, these 4 dickheads walk up the steps making all types of noise because they are looking for 4 seats together.  Hey, a**holes it is the opening weekend and you are late go f*ck yourself and sit your a** all the way down bottom with the rest of the non time telling bastards.

Something else that really really makes me mad is the price of the damn concession stand.  Why is everything at that motherf*cker expensive as hell.  Prices are tripled for damn twizzlers, gummi bears, and other dumb crap.  For some reason when I see all these people walk in with nachos, popcorn and all other types of overprice nonsense I always want to knock it out their hands.  One day I just might and I am sure a riot will ensue because if I walk in the movie and I have just paid for two tickets, two sodas, popcorn, nachos, and some candy I am whooping a**.  I mean that is like almost $50 for a damn movie experience. wtf!!

After a few of these outings I understand why people bootleg movies at least they can enjoy the damn thing!!


Sidenote* If you have a ankle bracelet on are you allowed in the movies or out the house past a certain time?  Somebody help I am not too familiar with this jail thing.  I don't really know sh*t about jail!!