The Male Ego

The world will come to a end one day.  It won't be from nuclear war, natural disasters, or even from Aliens who will come here to enslave us all and stick probes up our a** but from the male ego!  When not contained the male ego is some of the most egregious sh*t EVER!!!

I was told this story by a friend in my inner circle and all names with be withheld to protect the innocent or some sh*t like that.

A friend owns a house that is rented that originally had only two people living there. One on the 4th floor and the other on the 3rd floor.  It was like that for a few months until somebody moved in on the second floor.  Everybody has their own private bedroom but the kitchen and bathrooms are common areas sort of like freshman living.

The 2nd floor guy who is Dominican happens to head to the kitchen to fry some food (insert racial joke) but does not have any vegetable oil.  So what does he do?  He sees that somebody else has vegetable oil on the counter and decides to use their oil without asking.  So he uses about half the bottle of vegetable oil to fry some f*cking chicken.   The guy from the 4th floor is observing the new guy use all this vegetable oil

* few hours go by *

The 2nd floor guy who is an older Black gentleman comes back and sees that somebody used his vegetable oil.  So naturally he is  upset and goes to the guy on the 4th floor because they have known each other for a few months.  That guy says he does not want to get involved but that he witnessed the new guy use the oil.  With that said the old guy goes to visit the new guy.  The new guy initially denied using the oil and in a few profane statements said he did not know what he was talking about.  He then decides to come clean and say he used it and offered him $3 for the oil.  The sh*t that happened next I STILL can't believe.


Words were exchanged between the older Black gentleman and the Dominican dude.  The usual expletives and words insinuating a fight. The two gentleman throw fists and get down and dirty.  The older dude says f*ck it and goes to grab his knife. * Rule #1..never bring a knife to a gunfight*  The Dominican goes into his room and pulls out his gun.  Both of these simple motherf*ckers got busy.  Oldhead get shot and the Dominican dude gets stabbed (insert sterotypical Hispanic knife joke).

So pretty much what happened was that these a**holes went to the hospital and I am sure jail time is sure to follow over some VEGETABLE OIL.  I have never even heard of anything like this.  I have enough of my fair share of wild stories but most people let the gun fly over money, women, lack of respect you know normal people sh*t but VEGETABLE OIL.  To think that old guy could have taken the $3 and got more vegetable oil or that the Dominican dude could have just not used somebody's property without asking that this whole situation could have been avoided.  Ladies and gentleman the male ego will destroy this planet.  May God have mercy on us all!!

Everybody is a tough guy

Everybody wants to be a tough guy.  I can't necessarily blame them.  If you look on the big screen, the small screen, the magazines women love the tough guy.  I mean who does not want the women? *Shout out to Frank Ocean*  When is being a tough guy taken too far?

Sat night I was out with my homie at this spot we frequent enjoying ourselves and this ole fake tough guy was trying to ruin my night.  My boy is at the bar carrying a conversation with a lovely young lady when out of the corner of my eye I see a guy I know talking with fake tough guy.  At first the conversation seemed normal but something was just "off".  So I approach the guy I know and asked him if he wants a drink when fake tough guy starts with his sh*t.

Fake Tough Guy: Tell your man to chill out

Me:Whats the problem.

FTG: I need 3 feet I need 3 feet.

Me: *looks around and realizes the place is packed..gives him blank stare* OK

FTG: I am not alone in here.  I want to do whatever you want to do.  Its whatever!!!

Me: Ok, but just not in here.  I know the owner and the DJ lets not mess the money up.  Let me buy you a drink man?  We not about that nonsense it is nothing,

FTG: I got a bunch of money in my pockets!!

Me: Ok. *turns to bar to get my boy*  Yo man, we are not doing this tonight with this dude.

*lovely young lady leaves because who wants to catch an accidental uppercut*

A bunch of calm downs, chill outs and other peaceful terms have been thrown out to prevent FTG from catching an eye jammy.  FTG's boy comes in who looks newly 21 with soft spots on his head and a face that has never seen a razor or shaving cream a day in his life.  He grabs his boy who has this petrified annoyed look because he knows FTG is a fugazy a** drunk!

So once the situation was defused what were we left with?  The lovely lady running away to elsewhere in the spot, my boy and myself worried about FTG doing something stupid.  The babyfaced guy has to worry about his boy doing something.  The guy who was originally in the conflict has to worry about the FTG doing something stupid and the FTG making out with the short haired butch looking chick on the wall.  NOBODY wins!!!  Fake tough guys and alcohol does not mix.  Just stay the f*ck home.

Victory is that of the Ravens!!!

It has been a long time coming for me to say this.  FINALLY the Lombardi Trophy has come back home to Baltimore!!  It has been a long 12 years since we had the trophy home with us.  Not as long as some other franchises but we hold ourselves to higher standards.  I am actually a tad pissed because I wrote this blog post and the damn computer deleted it but my Ravens won the Superbowl so you can't kill my vibe.  Lets get straight to it.

I like to give a big f*ck you first to all the Pittsburgh fans who decided to run their mouth to me even though they have been at home since the playoffs have started.  I really do hate your team and you guys have made it even worst this season.  I am respectful to you guys but I think I am going to throw it out the window now Sh*ttsburgh!  We will see you guys next year!

Patriots fans, where do I even start with you f*ckers?  The arrogance that runs through your veins is just completely mind boggling and completely blows me away.  You think because you guys have the Golden Boy as your QB that you guys are just going to win it every time and think you guys have won it every single damn time.  News flash it has been 9 years since you had a chip so take your head out your a**!  We have beaten yall 2 out of the 3 last times we have played.  A few years ago whooped that a** in Foxborough.  Stop it, we will see you guys next year!!  Also, Wes Welker you need to enroll in college and take the class, "Check your B*tch 101".

To some of the Eagle fans who talked sh*t to me.  You got to be f*cking kidding me.  I grew up on this team because of my Pops.  I have shown you guys nothing but respect but you talk that crap to me when you guys became the laughingstock of the league.  That one really hurt me but I should expect no less.  A lot you guys are trash anyways.  Especially you Northeast motherf*ckers!  Get to .500 next year a**holes.

Skip Bayless eat a d*ck!!!

Lets put this sh*t to rest.  Leave Ray Lewis Alone.  Two time Superbowl champion, two time Defensive Player of the year, greatest Raven of all time, and greatest middle linebacker of all time, and arguably the greatest defensive player of all time.  I don't want to hear anything about your problems with him off the field.  A jury of his peers said not guilty of murder please let it be. 

Then here comes this Deer Antler spray story which conveniently happened to come out during Superbowl week which is a perfect time for a company to get free press.  Media crucified this man.  What I found funny was when the man who made allegations that he used this Deer Spray made an apology saying he never saw Ray use any of the substance it got brushed under the rug.  All you pieces of sh*t can kick rocks!  Everybody and their holier than though stance.  Funny I did not hear any uproar about Dan Marino and his extramarital affair that produced a child out of wedlock get that much press.

I like to take a minute to shou tout the biggest Raven fan I know my little sister!  Shout out to all the real fans that rode through good and bad times.  Shout out to the bandwagon fans.   Shout out to the driver of the armored truck driver who is going to pay Joe Flacco.  Lets go RAAAVEEEENS!!!

I am not done but I am done for this post.  Ravens are the Superbowl champions again.  The organization is now 2-0 in the Big Dance.  Please don't come at me this week or matter of fact the rest of the year with any nonsense without expecting a full out war.  To the motherf*cker that text me the Ravens cheated last night, sweetie let me give you my A** to kiss!!  *drops keyboard*

I am out B*TCHES!!!