There Goes The Neighborhood!!

I tried being positive.  I mean I really did but F*ck these past few days.  More specifically this cot damn snow and all the nonsense and dumb a** people it brings out.  I know the Summer time is the killing season but Winter is definitely dumb a** wipe season.

There was a pretty decent size snow storm a few days ago that provided Philly with about 16 inches.  Or two of me.  So, I grab a wonderful parking spot on Spring Garden and then I let Mother Nature do her thug thizzle.  I knew there would be a bunch of snow surrounding the car but what I did not expect was the dumb a** snow plow drivers to put all the snow on my car.  There was a bunch of open space in front of my car that people were not allowed to park in, who knows why they had to put all of the snow in my area.

As I am digging out of this mess made by the wonderful city employees of Philadelphia one of the insightful residents of this city comes out from his his place of employment to tell me about where I parked.  B*tch, I know where I parked at because I park there all the time.  He then wants to tell me it is a snow emergency route.  WRONG!!  You know why it is not a snow emergency route because there is no sign and it is not on the list of emergency routes that they city provided.  I don't give a rat's a** what you think you heard on the news.  You heard not a damn thing sir.  I was friendly with this upstanding gentleman but he just kept talking about how they plowed me in good. *pause*  The last thing I want to hear is how much snow is surrounding my car because I am shoveling it all by my damn self while you are on the sidewalk watching me work.  Sir, I enjoy you wanting to have conversation but not while I am busting my butt go jump in front of a plow.


The city of Philadelphia has some pretty stupid snow policies but what is a city without some nonsense.  After the snowfall residents are expected to remove snow from the sidewalk in front of the residents within 6 hours.  Cool, you want to keep everybody safe and such I understand but you also say the snow can't be thrown in the streets.  So the snow can't go in the streets and has to be off the sidewalk or face a fine.  Some areas don't have little areas of green to throw the extra snow do you want them to eat the damn snow?  Go figure, you can earn yourself a fine throwing snow back in the street.  You ever think the city is trying to suck all the money out of your pockets?



 The PPA had the nerve to be giving out tickets today.  PPA there are people who don't have snow off of their cars because there is nowhere to put it and barely anywhere to drive.  How the f*ck you going to be out there ruining days?  I hope somebody comes by with a huge chunk of ice and ruins the back of your knee you simple son b*tch!

Also, to the lady who in the street trying to shovel out her friend.  Hooka, the street was all ice and there are cars driving you can't stand in the middle of the street.  You are blocking traffic taking up the whole damn lane.  The cars beeping their horns are beeping at you deaf, dumb a**hole!  I probably should not have rolled down the window and asked you to move in that tone but if I hit you white lady they may have thrown my black a** in jail.

I spit on you PPA (again), snow plow operator who did that ignorant nonsense, the guy trying to have a conversation as I was digging out and the stupid chick in the middle of the road.

Camden

What should be done with Camden, New Jersey?  It has a bunch of problems already.  Can it be saved?  Should it be saved?  Lets start with problem number 1.

Camden resides in the state of New Jersey.  This might be the base of what is really going on with Camden.  It is the armpit of America.  Nobody really wants to visit NJ it is more of a rest stop to somewhere better like Philadelphia or New York.  What has NJ ever really done for you?  Sure, they have given us Redman and Naughty by Nature and Joe Budden but that could or could not be a good thing.  However, we do have Tahiry because of it so I digress.

Camden has this whole violence issue.  It was ranked the second most dangerous city in America last year.  So with that said the fire company and police department have been cut in half.  The place is already a freaking war zone and the city loses half of its heroes because of budget cuts. These cuts took most of the police officers that were the newest recruits and let them go. So in theory, the youngest and most physically able ones are no longer on the force. That leaves them with a bunch of old fat, doughnut eating, out of shape cops running around trying to patrol the jungle.

You throw in the fact that it seems like their city officials, more specifically, the mayors were always getting arrested for some nonsense.  Mob connections, bribes and all other types of unscrupulous actions that is not becoming for a public official.  Then there is that pesky rumor that if the drug trade in Camden was to disappear, so would the economy because the two are do deeply tied into each other. I don't wanna use the words in theory again, so in essence, the drug dealers may be the smartest mother *uckers that reside in Camden. When bad habits, violence, and strife are passed down from parents to children and that is all that surrounds the area, change becomes a very difficult thing to do.  It takes a lot of time and a lot of money.  Neither of which Camden has.

I believe the remaining police officers should be given "that order".  You know the shoot on sight order.  The gangsters and thugs have clearly taken over the city and they should be removed if you want order restored.  A task force needs to be put together to scout all the lowlifes get pictures and then take care of business.  One criminal at a time can catch a bullet to the dome or be nightsticked to death.  This will be a long and grueling process and is probably not in line with the budget cuts that they city has under taken. There is the other option of destroy and rebuild.  Maybe go all Frank Rizzo on them and just firebomb the city.  Whoever gets out of the burning building and then can manage to survive the hail of bullets should be allowed to carry.  Survival of the fittest type of deal but hey who I am they are never going to let me run sh*t anyways!!

Over some cake??

You know the saying about having your cake and eating it too?  Well this dude meant ALL of that.  Yup, I know you are not sure if you should be laughing or shaking your head.  My suggestion is to laugh and then shake your head.

I was on my way to pumping out another blog post and that article caught my eye and I could not just let it go.  It got me to thinking intensely about baked goods. * I know smh*  There are only a few baked goods in this world that I am willing to have a fight over.  My Mother's black bottoms I would most certainly ask you to step into some clear space if you eat the last of my black bottoms.  You know why because the way the chocolate and cream cheese come together to make love is some type of magical union of good and evil.

Then there is German chocolate cake.  Which quite possibly is my favorite cake of all time which would make me invite somebody to fight but I would leave out the fact that it is a gun fight.  Not even sure where to start about this cake or even what to say.  It is one of the wonders of the world.  I have to pace myself when I have one of these cakes so that I do not eat it within the day.  It is great for breakfast with a glass of milk and makes a wonderful lunch on the go.

I was going to bash the guy in this blog but the ridiculousness of everything I just typed has done more than enough.  I am just curious to know how dude feels knowing he shot a friend over some mother freaking cake.  There will be no street cred in jail for busting your gun over some cake.  Those ten years or whatever you will be sitting in that small dark cell can't possibly be worth it.  On the bright side I am sure every once in a while they will serve you cake that you wont have to share unless Bubba wants some.

PPA Deez

December 24th 2010 I was in Philadelphia making preparations to travel home for Christmas and had the strangest interaction with a Philadelphia Parking Authority agent aka Satan's spawn.  The words were only few but were loud and clear and maybe confirmed my greatest fear about them.

I was on Chestnut St on Penn's campus getting ready to tap the ATM and hoping it did not spit out a receipt saying, "Yeah right you know nothing is in here".  As I took a step towards the bank I noticed the PPA coming up the street so I decided to play it safe and purchase a parking ticket and throw it in the car.  Lucifer's child gets to me and noticed the car before me already had a ticket and says,"This guy keeps putting tickets on the cars I mean he could at least save me some.  It is Xmas Eve I am not going to give out a lot of tickets."  Needless to say I was shocked and appalled at what was just said.

That gave way to what I had been thinking all along that they have quotas to fill and possibly a commission based system.  His statement pissed me off in so many ways and took me to so many different levels of anger that I had never experienced before.  Sure a lot of these agents are just doing their job but does not change how I feel about them and plus for every agent that is just doing their job there is one that is looking to screw you over.  Now, I would wish harm on any individual but I would not mind if every PPA vehicle came up with flat tires and their little ticket machines were smashed to a million little pieces.  Just for sh*t and giggles if an agent happened to be ambushed with snowballs that would not be too bad.

Sorry H*es

I would like to take this time to apologize to some people of the world.  As part of my maturation as a man I am learning to say sorry when I am wrong which is not that often.  However, I think I have never really had this problem but for the sake of the intro lets say I did.

In December or November I wrote a blog about strippers and not everything I said about them was fair and or accurate.  Not all of them are hoes or cum waste dumpsters. They are real people with real emotions.  What made me come to this realization was the Kanye West album My Dark Twisted Fantasy.  There was a skit with Chris Rock and some random woman who may or may not have been imitating Amber Rose, Kanye's ex.  My friend and I were talking about what Amber might have said when she heard that skit.  Then it hit me this chick is brilliant.

Here we have a bald headed ex stripper chick who gets saved by one of the biggest musicians in the world.  Essentially old boy played Captain Save a Hoe to the tee.  So now they are finished with each other and this chick is THRIVING without him.  She has parlayed this tricking into a nice little career for herself.  She had a Ford modeling contract, has a sun glass line coming out, a reality tv show, and gets paid a sh*t load of money to show up and host parties.

My hat goes off to you Amber because you are one of the illest hustlers/entrepreneurs I have EVER seen.  I wrapped my mind around the fact that plenty of people myself included really just bust jokes about strippers and their profession but this woman's career is currently better than mine.  Being a stripper can't be all bad because a lot of them find suitable suckas partners this way even though these same folks just talked horrendously about them.  To all those strippers out there from the bottom of my heart I hope you can accept my apology even though I was pretty accurate in the first blog but ya know who is counting.  Amber, Yeezy taught you well!!

Guns don't kill people, people kill people

I would like to start off by saying that I do support the right to bear arms.  Little arms, medium arms, big arms I love having the right to be able to posses them.  Sure these weapons can dish out a lot of pain but only when used in the wrong way.  All those that posses firearms should engage in some type of safety course and no that turning the gun sideways is not a kill shot!!

Where all this firearm talk comes from is the article that I was pointed towards: Idiot Dad.  In a nutshell there was a gun show in Massachusetts, a Father let his 8-year-old boy shoot a 9mm micro Uzi submachine gun (yeah some Call of Duty type sh*t).  The 15 year old who was supervising this area advised the Dad against this because of the kickback from the gun and you guessed it the little boy shoots himself in the head.  Does not survive and now the Dad is trying to sue the guy who co-sponsored the machine gun expo.

First of all what kind of crappy Father takes his 8 year old kid to a machine gun expo?  Matter of fact I will give the Dad the pass on maybe trying to teach his child gun safety.  I want to know why you thought it was okay for your child to shoot a Uzi.  It is a damn Uzi for goodness sake.  This is a two handed weapon that grown men have trouble shooting outside of the exception of Arnold  Schwarzenegger and other roided up guys.  Why not hold the gun with the little boy while he is trying this weapon out if it was such an important thing for him to experience?

It behooves me that the Father signed off on paperwork saying that DEATH could result from walking in this expo and completely ignored all advice advising him of this decision.  Sir, I think the people of Massachusetts should sue for being such a complete dumb a**.  This is valuable court time that is being taken up by the World's Greatest Dad!!  You never wish harm on anybody and I am sorry for the pain that this man and his family has felt but dude you did this to yourself.  Your common sense is very low, matter of fact probably null and void but your balls are  the size of grapefruits.

this made me come back early

I should not have left you with out something to cuss to!!  Channeling my inner old school rap if you know a lil anything about that.  Honestly, only a few people have inquired what has happened with the blog updates but I figured I start out with the swagger anyways.  I took time off as I got a lil busier  and just did not feel like typing a dag on thing.  In my time off I have run across many different topics I have wanted to share with you so over time they will be put on this outlet in time.

Today, I was perusing my favorite website www.hiphopdx.com today and saw the infamous Gucci Mane making a stir again.  It was not for going to jail, or claiming to be mentally unstable but this big ole ridiculous tattoo on his face.  Gucci Mane!!!

Listen, I am by no means a "street" dude but I understand it.  From all accounts Gucci is that dude when he was doing his thing and I respect it but WTF.  We get it you sold blow and you probably call yourself the "Ice Cream Man" on your spare time but a damn ice cream cone on your face.  First of all the original Ice Cream Man, Master P, is probably laughing at your dumb a** somewhere.  Dude, you got a tattoo of a triple scoop ice cream cone on your FACE.  Who does that?  Did Baskin Robbins give you advertising for this monstrosity on your face?  Of all the tough things to put on your face you put ice cream on your face cream puff!!

What if your career as rapper does not really work out because all signs are pointing that your time is starting to go the way of the dinosaurs.  If you blow all of your money and you have to start trapping again how successful do you think you are going to be with that?  The task force will already know who you are and the few new officers who don't know you will because of that sugar cone that is on your face.  You can't blend into the public with a ice cream tat on your face.  They will catch you every single time my dude.

When the weather warms in the next few months I hope it does not melt!!