Scrooge to the bums

Philadelphia bums are something else.  I try to work with some of these cats out here on the street and help out when I can.  More times than not I do not give bums any money just because they end up making more money standing out in front of 7-11 or they take the money and go buy crack.  I am not really sure about any of these two theories but this is just what I think so f*ck it.

So last night I am walking into a pizza shop at 12 in the morning and this bum is walking on the street and gives me a story about just trying to get enough money to get a token so he can get to his daughter or some semi heart warming story. I know damn well what he is talking is some b.s but I am in a festive mood.  So I reach into my pocket and just give him some loose change and told to be well.  He is all on his thank you thank you and goes on about his business.  I walk away knowing that I got my good karma meter onto the good side of things.

I am in the place for a few minutes waiting for the slice heat up and this dude walks in resembeling the same motherf*cker I just gave some change to.  He walks to the counter and asks the employee how long the place would be open for and then turns to walk out.  Before he can reach the door this dude asks me if he has any change because he is just trying to get $3 to get a slice. I told him I did not have any change and proceeded to leave but as I got outside I realized that was the same lowlife who asked me for money to go see his daughter.  This is when I realized that motherf*cker was not sh*t.  I mean he could have at least remembered I was the same dude he just saw less than 5 minutes ago.  Even if he did not remember I was the same dude he could have at least kept the same damn story.  Just trying to get home to your daughter for the holidays is always a good one and even the Scroogest of the Scrooges will feel something in their heart.

I just want the bum to know he has now messed it up for all the other bums and the stories they kick for the rest of the year.  I hope you made it home to your seed or enjoyed the slice of pizza you might have eaten.  That was your X-mas present you bastard!!  It was the X-mas present for all the bums.  The hoodie and coat I was going to give to the one guy in front of 7-11 is now going to Goodwill.  Scrooge is back motherf*ckers..Bah Humbug!!!

More reasons I hate the PPA

By now I have made it clear the pure hate I have for the Philadelphia Parking Authority.  I have never seen a more annoying and corrupt organization than them.  Well, I have but they might take me out if I speak ill of them.  I see what you are doing Uncle Sa--err never mind.

So on Sunday evening I was parking my car in University City and found a sign that said that you only had to pay for parking between Mon-Sat.  Sooo, like any reasonable person I parked there went on about my business and came back to my car to see a motherf*cking ticket.  Initially I was not mad but then I started to think about the f*ckery that was sitting on my windshield I became upset.  Most people usually leave and just cuss all the way home but not me.  I sat my black ass in the car and waited for Officer Dumb A** to come back.  Part of me was not sure if they were going to come back but they sure did!!

Their car parks on the block ahead of me and they get out to start doing more d*ckhead sh*t!  So I approach Officer Dumb A** with an excuse me and she tried to pretend like she did not hear me.  We were the only two motherf*ckers on the block who else did she think I was talking to.  When  she finally answered I asked why did I get a ticket when the sign says I could park she tells me that you have to pay to park every day even though the sign says different. I told her that was nonsense and then she told me the sign behind me said Mon-Sun.  She had a nerve to be rude and condescending like I was the dumb motherf*cker who could not read.  At this moment she went from Officer Dumb A** to Officer Dumb A** B*tch.  Long story short she told me to contest the ticket and take picture.

What makes me mad about the whole ordeal is that the sign said what it said so how the f*ck am I supposed to know that they meant Mon-Sun.  Reading is fundamental and dammit I read the motherf*cking sign. Her lame excuse was that somebody pulled the sticker off!  There was no damn sticker it was new freaking sign.  I called the number on the ticket to make an appeal and sat through a 3 minute recording only for it to tell me their office hours were Mon-Fri 9am-8pm. smh.  I went home to appeal the ticket online and Officer Dumb A** B*tch had not put the ticket in the system.  The next day I called the same damn number during business hours and sat through the same recording to be told everybody is busy and to hold for the system to start over TWICE.  I finally got to schedule a date but the fact that I have to take time out of my schedule to fight a ticket that is not even my fault blows my damn mind.  This is why I hate the PPA.  All yall can kiss my high yellow a**!!!

I know I can read!!!

You know you ugly when

What does it really mean to be on the short end of the ugly stick??  I won't sit here and claim to be on anybody's 50 Top Sexiest List of people alive or anything but Sam Cassell I am not.  I imagine my genes will provide some good looking, curly haired, light skinned sons but I digress.

Not really sure what made me started thinking about ugly people or as I really like to say "not that attractive".  I only say that because I don't want ugly children but ehhh with my genes who I am kidding that should not be a problem.  Sometimes I feel bad for all the ugly chicks out there in the world especially all the ones who have no clue that they have beaten with an ugly stick on multiple occasions but I have come to realize we all have roles to play in life.

Some of you are sitting here reading this and hopefully chuckling but you are trying to fight those thoughts creeping into the back of your mind that you are indeed one of these ugly chicks.  I will help you out with a real life scenario that I witnessed/caused.lol  I was in the club many years ago and this chick went to ask the DJ to request a song and I made the mistake of not realizing that my whisper was a yell and said, "She was not cute enough to get the DJ to change his musical selection".  At that point I could tell she realized she was on the short end of the ugly stick by the look on her face.  It was not that she was even ugly it was just that her haircut made her head look like a dodge ball dipped in sewage.

Another tell tale sign that you are on the wrong side of the stick is if you peaked aesthetically in high school.  If in high schools you were the sh*t and went to more than one proms in the same year and now you take yourself out to Old Country Buffet I am talking about you.  Sure, I know there are some people up in arms about that because they say they take themselves out all the time and there is nothing wrong with that and you might be right orrr you just could be Peggy Prudey and nobody has time for you.

Not even sure where I am going with this rant anymore but in short if you are ugly you damn sure better be extra nice, super rich or in short Oprah. j/k

...kinda