Philly Hooodrats!!!

Philadelphia is off to a rough 2012.  We have more murders than we have had days so far. smh  Something needs to change and it should happen quickly.  This blog post is not about the murder rate of the city but it is about the unruly Philly b*tches that this city has.

All of the nonsense happened yesterday and maybe it was just a case of the Mondays or maybe just a case of IGNANT a** hoodrats.  I am walking around West Philly and a street cleaner is riding around on his lawnmower trash picker upper thing trying to pick up the trash on the streets.  This man waiting for a few minutes for these two hookers to move off the corner of the street and onto the sidewalk so he could vacuum the debris.  Don't you know these lazy motherf*ckers did not move at all!!  They stood there and continued on with their conversation like this man was not trying to keep THEIR streets clean.  I am going to go out on a limb and say some of the litter came from those find upstanding wh*res.  I was at a loss of words because all they had to do was a take few steps up and to the left and they would have been out of the way and had a cleaner street to stand on.  Hell the couple of steps they could have taken would have maybe helped burn off a calorie or two which would not have hurt  their bottom line.


Later on in the day I was searching for a flat screen television for my bedroom on craigslist and came across a decent deal.  So I sent an email:

Hello,

Me:I was on CL and recently saw your ad for the 24 inch Dynex television.  Is that still available?

Her: yes I just posted it.

Me: Everything is good with the tv?  When does it need to be picked up by?

Her:  As I said in the ad, it works perfectly. If you can pick it up tomorrow anytime after 10 am, I'll hold it for you. Please confirm the time to pick it up. Once you confirm the time, I'll give you my exact address and cell. My house is around 5&6th, Dickinson & Tasker streets (zip 19147). 

Me: Is this tv HD compatible?

Her: this is the item. 

http://www.bestbuy.com/site/Dynex%26%23153%3B+-+24%26%2334%3B+Class+/+LCD+/+1080p+/+60Hz+/+HDTV/2970158.p?id=1218367940239&skuId=2970158 

 

Maybe, I am just sensitive but I felt like this simple motherf*cker was giving me too much lip.  I ignored the first email talking about she just posted the ad but the second email is what really set me off with "As I said in the ad" b*tch I will break your tv as I come to pick it up.  The nerve of these people.  She posted an ad that did not have that much information and  I was trying to make an informed decision because I am buying a tv from some random person online and not a damn store.  What she does not know is that her attitude cost her the $150 she wanted for the television.  If you are reading this I want you to know that I rather give a store an extra $75 than give you what you asked for you ungrateful piece of sh*t!!!  F*ck you and your flat screen!!!!!

Scrooge to the bums

Philadelphia bums are something else.  I try to work with some of these cats out here on the street and help out when I can.  More times than not I do not give bums any money just because they end up making more money standing out in front of 7-11 or they take the money and go buy crack.  I am not really sure about any of these two theories but this is just what I think so f*ck it.

So last night I am walking into a pizza shop at 12 in the morning and this bum is walking on the street and gives me a story about just trying to get enough money to get a token so he can get to his daughter or some semi heart warming story. I know damn well what he is talking is some b.s but I am in a festive mood.  So I reach into my pocket and just give him some loose change and told to be well.  He is all on his thank you thank you and goes on about his business.  I walk away knowing that I got my good karma meter onto the good side of things.

I am in the place for a few minutes waiting for the slice heat up and this dude walks in resembeling the same motherf*cker I just gave some change to.  He walks to the counter and asks the employee how long the place would be open for and then turns to walk out.  Before he can reach the door this dude asks me if he has any change because he is just trying to get $3 to get a slice. I told him I did not have any change and proceeded to leave but as I got outside I realized that was the same lowlife who asked me for money to go see his daughter.  This is when I realized that motherf*cker was not sh*t.  I mean he could have at least remembered I was the same dude he just saw less than 5 minutes ago.  Even if he did not remember I was the same dude he could have at least kept the same damn story.  Just trying to get home to your daughter for the holidays is always a good one and even the Scroogest of the Scrooges will feel something in their heart.

I just want the bum to know he has now messed it up for all the other bums and the stories they kick for the rest of the year.  I hope you made it home to your seed or enjoyed the slice of pizza you might have eaten.  That was your X-mas present you bastard!!  It was the X-mas present for all the bums.  The hoodie and coat I was going to give to the one guy in front of 7-11 is now going to Goodwill.  Scrooge is back motherf*ckers..Bah Humbug!!!

More reasons I hate the PPA

By now I have made it clear the pure hate I have for the Philadelphia Parking Authority.  I have never seen a more annoying and corrupt organization than them.  Well, I have but they might take me out if I speak ill of them.  I see what you are doing Uncle Sa--err never mind.

So on Sunday evening I was parking my car in University City and found a sign that said that you only had to pay for parking between Mon-Sat.  Sooo, like any reasonable person I parked there went on about my business and came back to my car to see a motherf*cking ticket.  Initially I was not mad but then I started to think about the f*ckery that was sitting on my windshield I became upset.  Most people usually leave and just cuss all the way home but not me.  I sat my black ass in the car and waited for Officer Dumb A** to come back.  Part of me was not sure if they were going to come back but they sure did!!

Their car parks on the block ahead of me and they get out to start doing more d*ckhead sh*t!  So I approach Officer Dumb A** with an excuse me and she tried to pretend like she did not hear me.  We were the only two motherf*ckers on the block who else did she think I was talking to.  When  she finally answered I asked why did I get a ticket when the sign says I could park she tells me that you have to pay to park every day even though the sign says different. I told her that was nonsense and then she told me the sign behind me said Mon-Sun.  She had a nerve to be rude and condescending like I was the dumb motherf*cker who could not read.  At this moment she went from Officer Dumb A** to Officer Dumb A** B*tch.  Long story short she told me to contest the ticket and take picture.

What makes me mad about the whole ordeal is that the sign said what it said so how the f*ck am I supposed to know that they meant Mon-Sun.  Reading is fundamental and dammit I read the motherf*cking sign. Her lame excuse was that somebody pulled the sticker off!  There was no damn sticker it was new freaking sign.  I called the number on the ticket to make an appeal and sat through a 3 minute recording only for it to tell me their office hours were Mon-Fri 9am-8pm. smh.  I went home to appeal the ticket online and Officer Dumb A** B*tch had not put the ticket in the system.  The next day I called the same damn number during business hours and sat through the same recording to be told everybody is busy and to hold for the system to start over TWICE.  I finally got to schedule a date but the fact that I have to take time out of my schedule to fight a ticket that is not even my fault blows my damn mind.  This is why I hate the PPA.  All yall can kiss my high yellow a**!!!

I know I can read!!!

You know you ugly when

What does it really mean to be on the short end of the ugly stick??  I won't sit here and claim to be on anybody's 50 Top Sexiest List of people alive or anything but Sam Cassell I am not.  I imagine my genes will provide some good looking, curly haired, light skinned sons but I digress.

Not really sure what made me started thinking about ugly people or as I really like to say "not that attractive".  I only say that because I don't want ugly children but ehhh with my genes who I am kidding that should not be a problem.  Sometimes I feel bad for all the ugly chicks out there in the world especially all the ones who have no clue that they have beaten with an ugly stick on multiple occasions but I have come to realize we all have roles to play in life.

Some of you are sitting here reading this and hopefully chuckling but you are trying to fight those thoughts creeping into the back of your mind that you are indeed one of these ugly chicks.  I will help you out with a real life scenario that I witnessed/caused.lol  I was in the club many years ago and this chick went to ask the DJ to request a song and I made the mistake of not realizing that my whisper was a yell and said, "She was not cute enough to get the DJ to change his musical selection".  At that point I could tell she realized she was on the short end of the ugly stick by the look on her face.  It was not that she was even ugly it was just that her haircut made her head look like a dodge ball dipped in sewage.

Another tell tale sign that you are on the wrong side of the stick is if you peaked aesthetically in high school.  If in high schools you were the sh*t and went to more than one proms in the same year and now you take yourself out to Old Country Buffet I am talking about you.  Sure, I know there are some people up in arms about that because they say they take themselves out all the time and there is nothing wrong with that and you might be right orrr you just could be Peggy Prudey and nobody has time for you.

Not even sure where I am going with this rant anymore but in short if you are ugly you damn sure better be extra nice, super rich or in short Oprah. j/k

...kinda

Nothing like a hood chick

I am not a man that really lacks confidence nor do I have self esteem issues but I would love to buy some confidence.  Not just any ole regular confidence from anybody but I want to buy confidence from hood b*tches!!  I mean there is not a damn thing you can tell these chicks.  There is nothing at all you can tell them and it is really quite impressive in an utterly disgusting type of way.

Today I was at a red light and these two West Philadelphia hoodrats were strolling through the sidewalk and before they could walk in front of my car the light turned green.  Usually I would have beeped my horn and told them to hurry the hell up and get out the way, but I was on my best behavior, waiting for them to cross. As they were taking their time getting across the street, the look that they gave me was the stankest, cockiest, most repulsive look I have been given in a long time.  They did not say a word to me but that look said it all.
"What the f*ck you looking at?  Yea, we taking our motherf*cking time getting across the street and what B*TCH!!  You see how good we look, we just came back from getting our hair did.  Look how long and silky this sh*t is!"

Sure, maybe there is something wrong with me because I got all that out of a look that was no more than 2 seconds long, but still. *sidenote* If you really think something is wrong with me you can kiss my a**.  Whenever I see ghetto chicks and their "swag" on display it makes me laugh, cry and get pissed off all at once.  That is how I know I NEED that.  I mean all in all these Mr. Ed weave wearing chicks have done nothing to me.  I don't have anything against them for the most part aside from the occasional extra mayo that they put on EVERYTHING, or them pulling out their ACCESS card while having $150 Jordans on their feet.  Then there is also the ability they have to procreate over and over and over again and all their kids are raggedy and dumb and the Gov't is always taking some f*cking money out of my check so they can continue to rock out, but I digress.  The point is that whenever somebody learns how to take whatever they have hood or not and bottle it up and put me down for 3 BIG bottles. 

Haters Everywhere

If anybody saw the  Floyd Mayweather vs.  Victor Ortiz fight last night you know that the ending caused a lot controversy.  I would like to state that I am not a huge fan of Money Mayweather at all.  I respect his ability, work ethic, and precision like right hand but lets be clear he is the reason why the term "we should have never gave them n*ggas money" was coined.  Sure a lot of his personality is him accepting the bad guy of boxing but still.



In case this video is taken down in a nutshell what happened was that Ortiz illegally headbutted Mayweather and was he was docked points for being a cheap shot artist.  He then hugs and kisses Mayweather on some soft a** stuff.  The ref tells both fighters to continue fighting but Ortiz is still trying to shake hands with Mayweather.  Floyd wants none of is trying to push dude back but then hits him with a left hook and a straight right and that was all she wrote.

Again, I am not a huge Mayweather fan but the amount of people saying what he did was dirty and or some hoe sh*t.  To all those people I simply say go f*ck yourself!!  IF what he did was illegal the knockdown would not have counted, he would have been docked a point and the fight would have continued but that did not happen because it was CLEAN as can be.  Remember Ortiz had the dirty move.

What about this hoe sh*t?  Yall can kiss my a** on that hoe sh*t.  After you leave your feet to headbutt somebody best believe that all bets are off.  The only hoe in the ring was Ortiz!  Ole soft a** lets kiss and make-up even though we are in a fight type of dude.  The beginning of every fight the referee says, "Protect yourself at ALL times" they aint saying it for their health. Please believe that they mean every last word of that.  Can you fault Mayweather for taking advantage of slow, soft, and stupid opponent?  Absolutely not!  He did what all great athletes do and that is to dominate and take advantage of the situation that they are put into.  When Peyton Manning is doing the hurry up offense and the defender does not make it across the line of scrimmage and he hikes the ball anyways I don't hear any uproar over that.  People just want to talk about how smart he is but why can't Floyd just be that smart?  I have my ideas but that is for another day.

I just know that if we are having a knife fight and you pull out a gun  all bets are off and best believe the first opening will be taken. At the end of day all the people yelling about Mayweather being dirty are what we call HATERS!!!  In the words of the Wu-Tang Clan PROTECT YOUR NECK!!!!

Somebody's watching me!!!

Thanks to www.philly.com.  I will say that sometimes these people writing in helps me find comfort within my own life. smh

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I moved into our first home two years ago. A few months after that, our lives got even better with the addition of our son. After living here for a while, we noticed that the neighbors behind us have a large window in their shower, and they tend to take a lot of nighttime showers. (I'm sure you can see where this is heading.) For a long time, we chose to ignore it, but my motherly instincts are getting the better of me now. I can't help thinking of the day when my son is old enough to realize what he's seeing.

My husband and I have been debating whether to tell our neighbors we can see them showering. Sometimes they get pretty carried away in there. Should I tell them we can see everything? And if so, how do I go about it without causing them to be embarrassed, ashamed or angry?

- Getting an Eyeful in Ohio

 Lets just start with the beginning of this letter.  Did you guys really have to throw the party about "our lives got even better with the addition of our son" in there?  You guys have less money than you did before, the dates have dwindled down, and if the wife is breast feeding the husband sure is not enjoying the fun bags anymore but I digress. I am sure you love your son more than life itself but shut up!

Soooo only after living there for a while did you notice the big a** window in your neighbors shower and that they did the wild monkey in the shower at night.  F*ck outta here who do you guys think you are fooling with that line.  I am going to go out on a limb and say that when you guys were house shopping you probably saw the big a** window and that sealed the deal for you.

When you guys said you "chose to ignore it" you really meant that you guys somehow managed to keep your lips shut and not tell your friends that you secretly tape your neighbors dig each other out.  Another thing don't try to blame this on your motherly instincts either.  You probably have not shed your pregnancy fat and your husband does not find your attractive anymore and he has started spending more time in the mancave with his Maxim magazines.  Then again your husband could be going through some issues getting the motor started and is too afraid to try the Extenze pills.  Let me tell you something else I know you and your husband talk about telling your neighbors but he does not want to and only engages in these conversations so that you feel he really cares about your feelings and such.  You are ruining his fun you selfish bastard.  STOP IT!!

How about you don't tell your neighbors and maybe just hang a damn curtain up in YOUR motherfreaking window.  I highly doubt they are embarrassed because they probably know yall freak nasties are watching them and they are purposely putting on a show.(there is a name for that)  At the end of the day you guys look like the fools for waiting so long to tell them about their showering habits.  It is too late now CHUMPS!!!