Somebody's watching me!!!

Thanks to www.philly.com.  I will say that sometimes these people writing in helps me find comfort within my own life. smh

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I moved into our first home two years ago. A few months after that, our lives got even better with the addition of our son. After living here for a while, we noticed that the neighbors behind us have a large window in their shower, and they tend to take a lot of nighttime showers. (I'm sure you can see where this is heading.) For a long time, we chose to ignore it, but my motherly instincts are getting the better of me now. I can't help thinking of the day when my son is old enough to realize what he's seeing.

My husband and I have been debating whether to tell our neighbors we can see them showering. Sometimes they get pretty carried away in there. Should I tell them we can see everything? And if so, how do I go about it without causing them to be embarrassed, ashamed or angry?

- Getting an Eyeful in Ohio

 Lets just start with the beginning of this letter.  Did you guys really have to throw the party about "our lives got even better with the addition of our son" in there?  You guys have less money than you did before, the dates have dwindled down, and if the wife is breast feeding the husband sure is not enjoying the fun bags anymore but I digress. I am sure you love your son more than life itself but shut up!

Soooo only after living there for a while did you notice the big a** window in your neighbors shower and that they did the wild monkey in the shower at night.  F*ck outta here who do you guys think you are fooling with that line.  I am going to go out on a limb and say that when you guys were house shopping you probably saw the big a** window and that sealed the deal for you.

When you guys said you "chose to ignore it" you really meant that you guys somehow managed to keep your lips shut and not tell your friends that you secretly tape your neighbors dig each other out.  Another thing don't try to blame this on your motherly instincts either.  You probably have not shed your pregnancy fat and your husband does not find your attractive anymore and he has started spending more time in the mancave with his Maxim magazines.  Then again your husband could be going through some issues getting the motor started and is too afraid to try the Extenze pills.  Let me tell you something else I know you and your husband talk about telling your neighbors but he does not want to and only engages in these conversations so that you feel he really cares about your feelings and such.  You are ruining his fun you selfish bastard.  STOP IT!!

How about you don't tell your neighbors and maybe just hang a damn curtain up in YOUR motherfreaking window.  I highly doubt they are embarrassed because they probably know yall freak nasties are watching them and they are purposely putting on a show.(there is a name for that)  At the end of the day you guys look like the fools for waiting so long to tell them about their showering habits.  It is too late now CHUMPS!!!

She is a lady of the night!!!

Thanks to Philly.com I have another Dear Abby advice column to answer.

DEAR ABBY: I'm dating a prostitute and have developed feelings for her. The problem is her "job" gets in the way. She has talked about getting another job, but nothing ever happens.

- My Name's Not John

 Answer:  Boooy oh boy!  Where do we even start with this right here?  I mean this sh*t riight heeere!!  Dude, I mean really so you know you are dating a prostitute and you are okay with this?  That alone lets me know that you have some low self-esteem issues going on.  We all have bad days and low moments in life but dating a whore is pretty bad.  I hope you don't mind me calling your lady friend a whore but I am just calling a spade a spade.

I will say this with the economy being as bad as it is I do commend you on finding a partner who has a job. (giggles)  Sure, it is the oldest job known to man but nobody is perfect, right? (more giggles)  I am just curious to as what point did you realize that you caught feelings for this hoe.  Was it before or after one of the many money transactions?  Did she give you a free hand job and it showed that you really meant something to her?  Did she give one of your friends a half off discount?  Truth be told I am curious how you two met because you may not have been a customer but good friends.  I apologize for thinking that you had to pay for sex because it could have been free of charge but I somehow highly doubt that. 

Sir, did you really think she was going to get another job?  When is the last time you looked at her resume?  The problem with her getting another job is that her resume has all the wrong buzz words.  Her resume has sucking, blowing, intercourse,anal, and things of that nature which are really not endearing to most employers.  At this point she can either go be a stripper or a porn star but I am not sure if that would really make you feel that much better about your relationship.  At least your friends won't feel awkward when they say they saw your girlfriend at work. (more giggles)

I would say that I feel for you because of your low self-esteem issues and this horrible relationship that you have yourself in but I don't.  Nobody told you to be Captain Save A Hoe!!  Besides you broke rules number 1 and 33

1. Never date a prostitute 

33. Never date a prostitute

Do yourself a favor and always use a condom because trust me she is a whore.( in tears) 

Monkeying Around

So on Saturday I went to see the movie "Rise of the Planet of the Apes".  Great movie and I think everybody should go see it but of course there were a few things that pissed me off.  And to think I was getting better with these things but maybe not.

I hate when people know what time the movie starts but yet manages to come in late.  For some odd reason that sh*t bothers me to my core.  Maybe it is because there are always some a**holes that will want to sit in the same damn aisle that I am in.  Sure, I always find a great aisle but I got to the damn theater early to find my seat and not have to ruin anybody's viewing pleasure.  Since this technology sh*t keeps advancing I think once the movie starts all late people must sit down at bottom seats and have a stiff neck from looking straight up.  If anybody attempts to sit in the good section they should be hit with a stun gun by a usher.  Pretty sure there are some legal issues with that but f*ck em, I am sure they will make sure that sh*t does not happen again.

IF you do come late to the movie and it has already started please shut the f*ck up!!  That is damn rude to come into the theater talking and being loud at that.  Saturday, these 4 dickheads walk up the steps making all types of noise because they are looking for 4 seats together.  Hey, a**holes it is the opening weekend and you are late go f*ck yourself and sit your a** all the way down bottom with the rest of the non time telling bastards.

Something else that really really makes me mad is the price of the damn concession stand.  Why is everything at that motherf*cker expensive as hell.  Prices are tripled for damn twizzlers, gummi bears, and other dumb crap.  For some reason when I see all these people walk in with nachos, popcorn and all other types of overprice nonsense I always want to knock it out their hands.  One day I just might and I am sure a riot will ensue because if I walk in the movie and I have just paid for two tickets, two sodas, popcorn, nachos, and some candy I am whooping a**.  I mean that is like almost $50 for a damn movie experience. wtf!!

After a few of these outings I understand why people bootleg movies at least they can enjoy the damn thing!!


Sidenote* If you have a ankle bracelet on are you allowed in the movies or out the house past a certain time?  Somebody help I am not too familiar with this jail thing.  I don't really know sh*t about jail!!

It's all in the game!!!

 * Disclaimer*
I am just playing...kinda lol

Soooo, I was sitting online talking to one of my boys about work.  We were talking about the stresses of working and how it seems to be more mental than physical.  Within the course of the conversation hitting the lottery comes up because who the hell would not love to hit the lotto for something stupid!!!  Neither of us are habitual players but sometimes when times are hard you are willing to try and will throw a few dollars out there here and there because you can't win if you don't play.   So through our dumbness this question was posed by me:

Is it wrong to rob drug dealers? (yea I know...wtf)  We were joking about robbing regular people but that is just so wrong for so many reasons but robbing the drug dealer..isn't that just all in the game?  I mean they sell dope and destroy a lot of communities so they have to get got somehow, right?  Sure, I am wrong for robbing because we should not rob but I'm saying....(sly grin)  If the drug dealers are going to get robbed who do they call?  The POlice(B-more city accent) are out.  If I got my best Omar Little impersonation on and threw in some Robin Hood and gave some of that money to some charities.  F*ck giving to the "poor" their houses,cars, and clothes are better than mine. lol

All in all that would be doing a service for the community because budgets are tight and the Rollers can't be everywhere.  For those not in the know the Rollers are the  Po Po, 5 0, Jake, them boys and all them other good names that the good ole boys in blue are given.  Think about if we stick the drug dealers up they will eventually get tired of getting stuck up and will give the game a rest right? *doubt it*  Think about all the good that come out of this situation.  You don't have to pay the person robbing the drug dealer because they keep what they took.  The dealers take a hit with the loss of cash and can't re-up and that means less crack head motherf*ckers in front of 7-11 always begging you for change.  Sounds like a win to me!!

Corporal Punishment

I believe corporal punishment should be legal in PA.  I have been dealing with some kids in a classroom setting and it leaves me debating if I want to do the snip snip so I don't have any children.  In the ideal world my kids would stay toddlers for 10 years then go straight to being a senior in high school and progressing with life from there but I digress.

 Jay-Z had a line "people don't get the picture to the weapons are drawn" and that is how I feel with these knuckleheads except there will be no weapons. :(  I can't even make them stand up in the corner or do jumping jacks. WTF!!!  Where have all the damn cowboys gone?  Why the hell is everybody soft like tissue paper, or Miguel the singer? ( heeeey sugar)

Every now and then there comes a point in a child's life were they need to be taken out back and have their a** handed to them.  A punch to their chest where they can't breathe for a good 10 seconds puts a lot of things into perspective.  Not only does it solve the immediate problem but in the long term they are sure to think twice about stepping out of bounds.  The only thing that might happen is that one of these dysfunctional kids might threaten to get their Dad buuut who am I kidding these motherf*ckers have not seen their Dad in years.  Hell, they probably think they came from the stork! * giggles to self *

Having fear of somebody that will not think twice about knocking the snot out of you, laying The People's elbow, and then picking you up off the ground to give you homework is a great thing.  It builds character and who does not need a little bit of that in their life?

Lockout deez

So, it looks like the NBA owners are going to lock out the players since both sides failed to reach a new collective bargaining agreement.  It is shame because the NBA is quite the popular sports these days with a bunch of talent in the league and the best team to root against with the Miami Heat.  It sucks for the fans but f*ck the owners. 

I get the fact that most franchises are losing money but that is on them.  Their owners should go one themselves for being idiots.  I mean they been b*tching about losing money and bad contracts and what not and then the Blazers go offer bum ass Greg Oden $8.8 million qualifying offer to stay in Portland.  WTF!!!  This fragile bastard has played in only 82 games since his 07-08 rookie season.  Two micro fracture surgeries on BOTH knees and a broken kneecap and you think Mr. Glass deserves that dough.  When he was healthy it was not like he was a world beater anyway.  The Blazers are much better offering me the league minimum to play center for them.  Both of my knees work and I am muuuch cheaper and I will actually be able to play in the games that I am getting paid for. 

How are you going to make ANOTHER bad contract move then want some people to feel bad for you that you are losing money.  I mean they are going to try and paint the players as the bad guys for making all this money they don't deserve but that is on the owners.  If I am the 4th best player on the team and you want to pay me #1 player money please believe that I will be taking ALL of the loot.  Take the Chicago Bulls when they lost to the Heat in conference finals, people were saying they needed another scorer.  Well, the last damn time I checked Luol Deng was playing in a 80 million dollar contract.  Carlos Boozer is making like 11 million a year or something asinine.  What do you mean they don't have another scorer.  These sons of biotches are getting paid like they should be averaging 25 points a game so that is your second scorer right there.  All I know is that Kevin Durant and Elton Brand should not be paid the same thing. 

Screw all the owners for making this mess and wanting somebody else to clean it up!!

More advice!!!

DEAR ABBY: My wife had an unhappy five-year marriage to her high-school boyfriend. They divorced when their son, "Noah," was 20 months old. Then she met me, and we have been married for 34 happy years.

I adopted Noah with the consent of his birth father, who also remarried and had a family. My wife and I added a daughter to ours.

I was aware that Noah had re-established contact with his birth father and half siblings. We supported it. But we were blindsided when Noah told us he plans to take back his original surname. He says it isn't "personal," but he wants his children to have their "rightful" name and know their "true" lineage.

Abby, we are hurt and confused. This has caused a painful rift in the family. Please help.

- Noah's Real Dad in New York

Listen, big guy, let it go.  I know it does suck that your "son" wants to change his last name back to his REAL last name.  I get it you raised this young gunner as he was your own kid, let him eat you out of house and home, paid all those bills.  This is exactly why you should have read my previous post about not raising other people's kids.  You are hurt and have the right to be.  I mean you adopted the lil bastard when he was 20 months old so it was not like he could tell you he did not want your simple last name.  So it really is not personal and made his own decision.  Which brings me to my next point.

I am not a mathematician by any means but doing the math Noah is a 30 something grown a** man.  I need you to let this grown a** man make grown a** decisions. At this age he is probably out of your his house, maybe has a wife and some kids.  You work on enjoying retirement and if you really want another son pop a Viagra and go find a young woman who needs a Sugar Daddy.