Lockout deez

So, it looks like the NBA owners are going to lock out the players since both sides failed to reach a new collective bargaining agreement.  It is shame because the NBA is quite the popular sports these days with a bunch of talent in the league and the best team to root against with the Miami Heat.  It sucks for the fans but f*ck the owners. 

I get the fact that most franchises are losing money but that is on them.  Their owners should go one themselves for being idiots.  I mean they been b*tching about losing money and bad contracts and what not and then the Blazers go offer bum ass Greg Oden $8.8 million qualifying offer to stay in Portland.  WTF!!!  This fragile bastard has played in only 82 games since his 07-08 rookie season.  Two micro fracture surgeries on BOTH knees and a broken kneecap and you think Mr. Glass deserves that dough.  When he was healthy it was not like he was a world beater anyway.  The Blazers are much better offering me the league minimum to play center for them.  Both of my knees work and I am muuuch cheaper and I will actually be able to play in the games that I am getting paid for. 

How are you going to make ANOTHER bad contract move then want some people to feel bad for you that you are losing money.  I mean they are going to try and paint the players as the bad guys for making all this money they don't deserve but that is on the owners.  If I am the 4th best player on the team and you want to pay me #1 player money please believe that I will be taking ALL of the loot.  Take the Chicago Bulls when they lost to the Heat in conference finals, people were saying they needed another scorer.  Well, the last damn time I checked Luol Deng was playing in a 80 million dollar contract.  Carlos Boozer is making like 11 million a year or something asinine.  What do you mean they don't have another scorer.  These sons of biotches are getting paid like they should be averaging 25 points a game so that is your second scorer right there.  All I know is that Kevin Durant and Elton Brand should not be paid the same thing. 

Screw all the owners for making this mess and wanting somebody else to clean it up!!

More advice!!!

DEAR ABBY: My wife had an unhappy five-year marriage to her high-school boyfriend. They divorced when their son, "Noah," was 20 months old. Then she met me, and we have been married for 34 happy years.

I adopted Noah with the consent of his birth father, who also remarried and had a family. My wife and I added a daughter to ours.

I was aware that Noah had re-established contact with his birth father and half siblings. We supported it. But we were blindsided when Noah told us he plans to take back his original surname. He says it isn't "personal," but he wants his children to have their "rightful" name and know their "true" lineage.

Abby, we are hurt and confused. This has caused a painful rift in the family. Please help.

- Noah's Real Dad in New York

Listen, big guy, let it go.  I know it does suck that your "son" wants to change his last name back to his REAL last name.  I get it you raised this young gunner as he was your own kid, let him eat you out of house and home, paid all those bills.  This is exactly why you should have read my previous post about not raising other people's kids.  You are hurt and have the right to be.  I mean you adopted the lil bastard when he was 20 months old so it was not like he could tell you he did not want your simple last name.  So it really is not personal and made his own decision.  Which brings me to my next point.

I am not a mathematician by any means but doing the math Noah is a 30 something grown a** man.  I need you to let this grown a** man make grown a** decisions. At this age he is probably out of your his house, maybe has a wife and some kids.  You work on enjoying retirement and if you really want another son pop a Viagra and go find a young woman who needs a Sugar Daddy.  

Advice Hour

 I was reading an advice column/article thing on www.philly.com and decided to give my take on it.

DEAR ABBY: Because my 90-year-old mother is homebound, she qualifies for a meal program through a senior charity service. The program is free of charge for those in need. She didn't like some of the meals, so she asked me to give them to my father-in-law, "Louis."

Louis is 88. He still drives and is well-off, so he doesn't qualify for the program, but he accepted the meals that were offered. My mother has now decided she can no longer eat any of these meals, so I told her we should discontinue the program.

When I mentioned it to my wife, she became very upset with me, saying her father appreciated those meals. I reminded her that her father is able to drive himself to the supermarket and buy frozen dinners similar to what is being provided through the service. My wife is so angry she now says she will never again share any leftovers with my mother. It's an understatement to say this situation has created a major fight between us.

Is my wife correct in being upset about my discontinuing the meal service?

- Charity Begins at Home

 No, your wife is a f*cking nutcase and you should pay her no mind in whatever bullsh*t that is coming out of her mouth. Do not argue with her she is clearly off her rocker.  You are completely right in this situation and discontinuing the service is the right thing to do.  Keeping that program alive is what we call stealing.  Inform your wife of this please.  I am pretty sure that this free program is coming out of some taxes or some other b.s. that the working man is unwittingly paying for.

Now, this is the most important part sir so listen up.  The next time you see your wife...wait for it...slap her!!  She will be shocked on why you did this to her.  That was for your Mom.  If my future wife would ever say anything simple about my Mother like that there would be consequences and repercussions.  

In closing thank you for having some tact and class.  I really do appreciate it.  Tell your wife her leftovers sucks a** anyways.  However, I do hope you are not a pedophile because your wife is pretty childish!!

Eff Yo Village!!

Been a long time since I have posted something up here.  Almost two months in a week or so.  For all of the time I was absent I was in the heart of my anger management study and wanted to give my best effort to finishing that honestly. (giggles)  I will now try to get back into the swing of things.

I was out at a function a few days ago and the quote "It takes a village to raise a child" was thrown out there.  When I first heard this quote all I could do was laugh and roll my eyes at that nonsense.  As I have gotten older I have come to really dislike that quote and want to burn that motherf*cking village down!!  Too often I find that quote leads to piss poor and lazy a*& parenting. 

People already know that I am no fan of taking care of other people's children.  Many years ago I was at a National conference for a student organization and the head of the organization let his 2 year old son just run all over the place.  He commented on how somebody asked if he was not afraid that anything would happen to his child and he answered with this: " Why should I be?  He is amongst thousands of his brothers and sisters" *sideways face*   F*ck out of here!!  That is that dumb thinking that will get your son snatched, have you crying on the news saying that you just want your son back.  To automatically think that somebody has the same interest in your child is very naive and stupid.

In a nut shell raise your own freaking kids and stop expecting/wanting somebody else to.  We may live in the same neighborhood but chances are I am not looking out for your kids.  Just tell them bastards to stay away from my car!!

I don't have enough spit to put that fire out!!

Things I have been thinking

It has been a long time.  While I would love to say I have been in the lab cooking up something marvelous for everybody to read that would be a damn lie.  There has been plenty to spit and cuss about but I love my Mother and decided not to put them to words and I was not prepared to deal with a particular mafia at that time.  With that said there has been a few things I have been thinking.

1.Even though I did not vote for President Obama, please let that birth certificate sh*t go.  I mean really though?  IF he was really born somewhere else applaud that man for being a hustler. 

2.For all the Black people walking around talking about needing our "papers" shut the f*ck up!!  Listen, the President has moved on and so can you.

3. Donald Trump, really though? 

4. Warren Moon is arguably the greatest QB of all time.  Go look up his stats.  Then think about the fact that he was not drafted by the NFL because they were not sold on a black QB and has to "prove" himself in the CFL for 5 years.  Where he grabbed 5 chips there.  Give him his 5 years back with 3,000 passing yards a season and 20 touchdowns at least.  Just saying.  Right cousin?

5. Yo, Philly dude stop calling me "fam".  I am not your f*cking family.  My own family does not call me family a**wipe!  I gave you my name so next time speak up!

6. I know you listen to Lil Wayne, white suburban kid but if you call me "Slime" one more time.

7. I don't condone random thorough a** whoopings of 2vs. 1 at all.

8. Men should pee in the men's bathroom and vice versa.

9. Why has Camden, NJ not been blown up and started over yet?

10. I have replayed this "what if" fight in my head over and over.  Majority of the time Mike Tyson takes down Ali.   I know Mike was crazy but he hit too hard and was too fast for a man of his size.


Just what I have been thinking.

I need my own advice column

While at work browsing the internet for my usual f*ckery I stumbled upon this article/advice column/ask me anything type of thing.  The question was mildly entertaining  and got me to thinking that I really could have people send me their questions and I could reply with sound advice.  This will be the first attempt:

Question: My outlook on dating is very traditional - man courts lady and pays for dinner, etc. Then, after you figure out that you truly want to continue to date, the woman offers to pay. The man I am dating seems a bit more on the equal end - I paid for last night, you pay for tonight. It started very early on, maybe the eighth date or so. I kept getting the vibe that I should offer to pay, and then it got uncomfortable. We went on a vacation together and he wanted to split everything. The place was not my first choice of vacation spots, so the more he said, "OK, give me this much for the bill," the more animosity I felt. He earns a good $30,000 more than I do, his company pays for a lot of his food/ transportation, and his rent is half of mine.
I approached him about this when I was frustrated beyond belief, and basically unloaded repressed anger and rambled on about how female and male roles in a relationship are not supposed to be equal. His response was "Well, I'm not Prince Charming, and don't expect me to be."
Then he claimed he was "used" for money in his last relationship, which I find very, very hard to believe.
I have a very tight budget, with student loans and a huge rent check, yet I still manage to "split" everything. I get him meaningful gifts, and his are only so-so, in meaning and value. I don't need expensive things, but it would be nice to be treated like a lady in terms of dinners and vacations.
Growing up, my dad was amazing and I was his princess. He showed me the role a man is supposed to play: Take the girl out, open her door, pull out her chair, etc. How do you suggest approaching this situation?



Answer:  Nothing is wrong with being traditional as we all are traditional in certain aspects of life except for you Apple computer motherf*ckers.  Early on is the 8th date?  Sweetie, I am sure by the 8th date this gentleman thought you guys would be doing the wild monkey and realized nothing of the sorts was happening and that maybe you needed some persuasion in the form of buying your own sh*t!  It is vacation you gold digging hookah.  If he pays for everything on vacation that is not exactly vacation for him sounds like a damn job.  And if you did not like that place you should have said something and maybe you guys could have gone somewhere else.  Had you been doing what you need to have been doing before the 8th date this predicament would not be happening.  So the f*ck what he earns $30,000 more than you do.  Are you the damn government and going to tell him how and where to spend his money?  If his rent is half yours maybe you should stop be so high maintenance and move to wherever he lives.  Sooo, you got frustrated and b*tched him out huh.  I bet you were singing that Destiny's Child Independent woman song.  Question!!!  Who in the hell are you to doubt his last relationship?  You need to be doubting your last relationship that is why you are out there dating and complaining about dinner.  I am glad that you manage to "split" everything with your limited funds that means that your budget is working but for future reference if you were a little smarter maybe you would have gotten a scholarship for college dumb a**!  His gifts are only so-so in meaning well that does suck.  I am going to pretend you did not say the  in "value" comment.  Actually,  how the hell you going to follow up and say you don't need expensive things but the "value" was just okay.  You need to make up your damn mind!!  You were you Dad's Princess? * blank stare*  He showed you the role a man was supposed to play huh.  This sounds like a case of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and that is probably why your a** is so messed up now.  You were having sex with the wrong man you dumb heffa!!

We did this

What is a thoia thong?  Seriously, what is a thoia thong?  It was a a damn good song by R.Kelly but what is it?  That question leads me to my next question:  What the hell were we letting that grown a** man get away with?

We completely failed as human beings with him.  I will be a nice guy and not talking about him marrying 16 year old Aaliyah and giving a golden shower to the 14 year old chick on camera.  However, that is some bullsh*t that he did not do a damn day behind bars for that nonsense but I digress.

Lets start with the song "Gotham City". Not one of his more popular songs but a decent song nonetheless.


At about 2:39 in the video the motherf*cking Batmobile is going to appear.  Guess who is driving the Batmobile??  It is not Batman but the guy Kellz!!  Back in 7th grade I probably thought this was cool but as a grown a** man I am at a loss for words.

Up next is a personal favorite of mine.



Within the first 20 seconds in the damn video he is sitting on the side of the jacuzzi with his hair half braided.  Sure, he could be waiting on somebody to finish his hair but the problem with this is that this started a trend where a bunch of nappy a** motherf*ckers walked around like it was cool.  Your hair should either be braided or out but not both.  I mean truthfully speaking after a certain age no grown man should have his hair braided but that is a convo for another day.

Umm, and this sh*t above us!!  This man is a damn purple suit.  The only grown men allowed to wear purple suits are Prince and Steve Harvey.  Prince because he like used to have this aura or some sh*t around him and Steve because he is the only ignorant son of a b*tch that can pull it off.  I mean look at dumb a** Robert and his nipples showing.  Is that really a PURPLE doo rag?  Is this man really wearing a compression arm sleeve on like he plays in the NBA.  What is the belt buckle thingy majig?  Is that a tongue sticking out some lips or is that a piece of angus (pause)?  Why does this man really have purple gun holster on?  Dawg, you are not shooting nothing but lil girls (sorry was supposed to leave it alone).  And why the hell did he have on purple leather pants. That look was last perfected by Eddie Murphy in RAW.

We as human beings really let this sh*t get out of hand.  Somebody should have sat his a** down somewhere and talked to him, maybe gave him a hug. I still want to know what a thoia thong is!!!