Scrooge

Christmas is only a few days away while there are tons of people who have finished their X-mas shopping but there are tons more who have not finished/started.  I am sure you already know which one your boy is.  For that reason that is why I feel like the Scrooge in me has come the hell out.

So I am in the store browsing and attempting to do this shopping with no money and I get distracted by the hoodrats everywhere.  Now, I know this is my fault for waiting until the last minute but I did not even know hoodrats would drive out to the Target on City Live Ave.  I mean that is why I went there instead of the one in South Philly.  Anyways I turn around and I see a few chicks in their scrubs.  This kills me for many different reasons.  First of all I am just not sure if you have germs, SARS, Swine flu or what all over you.  I am not sure where you are coming from.  You could work in the labs that has those monkeys that the Gov't runs test trials and gives AIDS to before they give it to the African American population but that is another post.  Seriously, where are your clothes you look silly with the whole getup on.  I will let you rock out with the top on but the pants too??

Lets be honest hood b*tch you are not a real nurse. You don't have anything saying RN attached to your name.  You can perpetrate for everybody else but you not fooling me into thinking you might be doing something important.  In fact I am pretty sure some of you just purchase these scrubs to walk around in public thinking you are the sh*t when in fact you look rather foolish.  You know how I know you aint saving lives?  When you have those initials RN you tend to have a little bit of money left over after you take care of life essentials.  All the RN's I know have their weaves TIGHT, dreadlocks on point(word to Hopkins), hair flowing not you hoodrat.  You are on the corner of the bus stop taking your tracks out and what is that glue from your hair now on the cement. With the words that just came out of your mouth furthermore lets me know that you do/did not attend school for nursing but you went for a language.  You know Ebonics yup that is the one.

I am sure there are a lot of people who will have no clue what the hell I am talking about and then there are others who know exactly what I am talking about.   Then there is that section of people who think I am just plain wrong for it but f*ck you.  Of course then we have the actual hoodrats.  I would be scared that you might see me in the streets and would want to get it poppington but ehhh I doubt you can read anyways. 

X-mas List!!!

Since the holidays are upon us and Christmas is less than a week away I decided I would share my X-mas list with everybody.  It is has been a long time since I have actually made a X-mas list because I have gotten older the presents don't mean as much and I much rather be at home chilaxin but don't get it twisted presents are still the SH*T!!!

1.Mike Vick gets a better public relations person.  It is not my money but you should not get your wife a 90,000 car.  You can afford it cool, but you know the media is out for blood.  My advice get another contract then get the whip that way its slices the hater criticism in half.

2. A bottle of American Honey.  This is the best tasting whiskey bourbon liquor ever!!

3. A Philadelphia Parking Authority vehicle to get a ticket, lose a tire, or any type of mischief.

4. All my damn Jay-Z albums that were stolen.

5. The general manager of the Wizards to get demoted for his trade to get Rashard Lewis.

6. McNabb to play for the Vikings.

7. Septa buses to pull the f*ck over to the stop when picking up or dropping off passengers.

8. The people getting off or on the Septa bus to hurry the hell up.

9. Women who dress like men and who take on their mannerisms to STOP.  You still bleed at least once a month.

10. To go read my favorite comic site!!

11. Peace, prosperity and peace of mind for all of you out there

The end!!

Tabernacle

The post today will be something out of the norm from Spitting and Cussing.  My good friend will be taking over the duties for today and will be the special blogger.  Stef Black and I have known each other since freshman year of college and it is my pleasure to give him this opportunity to speak his mind.  The views represented do not necessarily represent the views of Spitting and Cussing and all that other jazz.  However, I simply say AMEN.

So my man B. dot and I were having one of our usual f*ck the world conversations, when we came across a topic that seems so taboo to discuss, that I asked him to allow me to vent about it through his blog. The topic I am referring to is RELIGION. I am sorry, but I gotta keep it real. And I am also sorry for taking over B’s webwaves but I got something to say! I will be brief..

I have such a problem with religion that I am forced to tell people I have none. I mean hey, was Jesus a Christian? Not that I don’t believe in God because I do. I also believe that Jesus died for the sins of man. But I guess I had enough, after seeing a repeated cycle of what seems to be an organized, theatrical telethon that we call the 21^st Century Christian experience. I’m tired of hearing the scandal, seeing pastors in church doing cartwheels, and hitting high notes, while the lady in the 3^rd row gives the last of her money for the “church fund”.  After church, that same lady walks to catch the bus while the pastor and his associates drive off in their Beamer, Benz or Bentley. No one is perfect but when things go wrong in the church those people need to be made an example of and not protected by their co-worshipers. What this cycle does is push the REAL people away from church, and allow the fake to congregate inside. At least that’s how it seems.

Sitting in church, watching people shout, jump, scream, cry, and listening to the pastor PAUSE when his words don’t incite enough excitement from his parishioners, it makes me question what is it all for? Perhaps I have begun to appreciate the calmer more peaceful Catholic service I once knew. Maybe I am not as strong of a Christian if I am not able to shout jibberish and move around uncontrollably while I pray. It took a lot of prayer, understanding and Knowledge of Self to realize that God is in each of us, and His relationship with us can be greater and more powerful than the artificial theatrics that many churches project. Gaining a true understanding of my relationship with God also further gives me freedom to say that organized religion as we know it is some bull sh*t!!!

Yet it continues, tricked down to the next generation of future church-goers. The question is how much more watered down will it be for our children. How far will we deviate from the personal relationship with God that we all really need? Tomorrow’s pastor could be today’s praise dancer, Christian rapper, or even today’s pimp or drug dealer. From a young age I think people are able to grasp how to get what they want from others. Whether it’s a lady who knows how to flirt to get that free Super Size or the pastor who can make you put $30 more in the collection plate with some smooth words about sacrifice.  For this reason, I can’t just sit back and listen without question the derivative of the church’s actions. That is not meant as any disrespect to people who are serious about their relationship with God, but come on! WAKE UP!!! People hate on Catholics and their priests a whole lot, but you know what??? If I wasn’t allowed to get married, had to live at the church, and was being watched constantly I would probably f*ck up too! Matter of fact, I would probably be at the strip club with the ill disguise on right now! My point is we are all flawed, lol

My main point is, in light of all the things I see and have seen, I can’t give churches the benefit of the doubt I used to. We should put our trust in NO MAN, I just think that the Church should be viewed the same way. The same way Burger King and Free Credit Score use Hip-hop to channel your attention; do not think that the church is not capable of doing the same.

All I am saying is think people….or this could be the future of religion!!! http://www.comedycentral.com/tosh.0/2010/08/16/this-weeks-web-redemption-angry-black-preacher/

I will say what the hell I want

I have been wanting to get this off my chest for a few weeks or so.  Not too long ago popular and influential Hot 97 Dj Funkmaster Flex went on a rant that went viral about deceased rap legend Tupac Shakur.
Funk going off!!

In a nutshell he did not have too many kinds words for Pac but later on his show went on to explain what he really meant and doing the half backpedal dance.  I understand where he was coming from Tupac did not have kind words to say about Funk or his associates when he was alive and that is a lot of bad blood.  Most people have gone on to say that because Pac is dead that the beef should have ended or 10 years is a long time to carry a grudge.

To all those who think that I simply say blow it out your a**!!!  I could be beefing with somebody and if they were bringing the kind of heat Pac was bringing I may not let it go either.  If somebody drops dead in the middle of a beef with me are my feelings are supposed to change because they are dead?  Does that lessen the impact that this person may have had on my life?  If somebody was coming out of their mouth with hate and all types of threats why would I not be happy that they are no longer around?  Death does suck because there is no coming back from that unless it is "The Walking Dead" show (which I HIGHLY recommend you watch) but sometimes that is how stuff goes.

I just want to bring this up to make you think.  Are Jewish people supposed to forgive Hitler for the a** whoopings he put on them?  Yeah did not really think so!!  It is hard to forgive and forget when so much hate is is thrown your way or thrown upon people you associate with.  You can easily say Hitler was a killer and Pac did not harm anybody physically but mental fatigue and stress is a killer in itself.  There is no uproar if somebody says Hitler was dumb b*tch.  There was plenty uproar when everybody thought Will Smith made a comment stating that he believed Hitler to be a good person with twisted logic or whatever.

When Massa was whooping the slaves a** were they supposed be to cool when Massa died from the revolution?  All them whip lashings, rapes, murders, picking cotton in the hot a** sun is supposed to be okay because they punk a** is dead.  With all that said Funk you are well within your right to say whatever you want in a public forum stay strong brotha but you definitely picked the wrong person to voice your displeasure on.  Freedom of speech lives on!!!

Race is the game

Lets talk about the dreaded R word.  RACISM!!  Or rather the use of the race card.  Those not familiar with what the race card is it is usually pulled when something goes wrong and somebody may say, "well if I was not _____ I would have gotten the job".  The race card is commonly used by African Americans or people of Hispanic background.  Here at spitting and cussing we love and hate all races differently BUT equally. (I kid)

Not sure if anybody has seen the Duncan Hines commercial that was pulled because of racist claims.  If not I will show you.




Was that commercial offensive.  In my opinion not really it was mild at best.  I am going to say some black people saw this and could see nothing but the chocolate icing and harmonizing and LOST it.  Sure, the advertisers were complete idiots for not mixing the icing up on the cupcakes.  Strawberry and vanilla should have been thrown in there and all of this controversy would not even exist.  Lets face it, whoever thought this was a good idea was not that far off.  Now in the world of race and media one of these mistakes can doom a career or sink a company.  It is safe to say whoever made that commercial we might not be seeing anything from them in a little bit.

Are people really that sensitive these days?  Was that commercial really enough to get in uproar about?  Am I just that much of a insensitive guy?

It has to be crack

Tobacco is some of the most addictive stuff on the face of this earth.  Specifically cigarettes sometimes referred to as cigs or loosies.  I am not a big fan of cigarettes but I am in awe of the power that they hold.

I am not a huge smoker, I have never had a cigarette, occasionally I enjoy a cigar but that is it. Most cigs smell horribly, makes the air stuffy, leaves some people with stained teeth but that just could be from them not brushing their teeth but I digress.  Personally I know a lot of men who will see a woman with a cigarette in their mouth and they are instantly turned off and any types of wild thoughts vanishes in the thins air.  Me personally would never turn down Jessica Rabbit off of "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" but I am a sick sick man.

I respect the fact that cigarettes can be addicting but they make these chain smokers look like crack heads.  Mother Nature has been on her BEST bullsh*t the last few days throwing out 33 degree weather during the day and 24 degrees at night.  I mean it has been cold to the point of my damn face hurting and me contemplating ways to transport myself without actually having to step outside.  Just think about the fact that people will leave a warm room to step outside and smoke cigs in the cold a** weather in damn pajamas pants a hoodie.  Or trying wrapping your mind around the fact that these people were in the warmth relaxing and will throw on multiple layers of clothes to step outside and smoke this cigarette for 5 minutes then go back inside.  That is some addictive a** stuff.

Really grasp the fact that on every packs of cigarettes there is a surgeon generals warning that states:

• SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy.
• SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health.
• SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking By Pregnant Women May Result in Fetal Injury, Premature Birth, And Low Birth Weight.
• SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cigarette Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide.

The first one simply says your lungs and heart will shut off.  The second one says STOP now you are killing yourself.  The third one says STOP smoking now because you are with child you selfish motherf*cker!!  The fourth one says the stuff you are inhaling gases that were used for executions by the Greeks and Romans.  With a warning like that it is a wonder that people still smoke these things.


The only way I can imagine myself becoming a chain smoker is if the cigarette has been dipped in something that can be addicting that is like actually fun. Ehh, I dunno maybe something like sex or video games.  Better yet if I smoke a certain amount of cigarettes on the coldest day of the year I will finally find that pot of gold that is supposed to exist at the end of the rainbow.

Get at me Dog

I guess this has been a long overdue and a pretty controversial topic that has yet to be discussed.  Try not to be offended too much but what the hell is with a certain race and Michael Vick?  I mean do you guys really hate this man that much?

For the people not in the know about Michael Vick to make a long story short.  Former quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons who had signed a huge 100 million dollar contract, was a ring leader in illegal dog fighting down in VA, got caught served his time, lost all his money and is now the Eagles starting quarterback who is on a tear!!  Most people love redemption stories and here you think we have one for the ages for everybody to rally behind but this is not the case.

People just can't get passed his past and it is a damn sad thing.  I love animals as much as the next person but if you motherf*ckers don't chill out and let it go!!  It is horrible what he and other people did to those dogs but f*ck them Pitbulls.  What really slays me is the fact that people are outraged that the NFL are letting him play again.  The man almost spent two years in jail, is 12 million dollars in debt, missed time away from his family and lost his job.  He has paid his debt to society so why does he not deserve a chance to work again?  So what this his chosen profession people can earn millions of dollars that is why he chose to be a football player and not a custodian.  All this outrage over some dogs?  Not liked he killed some people or has a proven pattern as a serial rapist like another NFL quarterback out there.

I recently read this commentary on why the NFL is wrong and how it send a message to society that he may be rewarded a new million dollar contract and the MVP trophy.  From what I know the Most Valuable Player trophy is awarded for outstanding play on the field and not what they do off of it.  I can't for the life of me understand why he is disappointed with the praise that is heaped upon Vick his spectacular season.  Maybe, because that light in Vick's head has clicked and he is playing like everybody only dreamed and maybe because he is not on the field doing illegal things like killing dogs you d*ck, so there is no reason not to say "good damn job".

 Just for the people who don't understand why he is allowed to play in the NFL because he committed that crime I look at it a little differently.  For instance a pedophile should not be allowed to be around children, become a teach, camp counselor etc.  A computer hacker should not be allowed to be on a computer unsupervised.  A dog murderer should not allowed to be a veterinarian but you can be my franchise quarterback any day of the week as long as you are playing like Michael Vick is!!

I somehow think I would lose less sleep with the dog killer than hmm I dunno the MAN killer!!  Shout out to Mike Vick, it is still f*ck you Eagles for trading McNabb!!

Writer of the commentary and just cause you are behind a lot of this nonsense PETA!!  I hope you all get stuck in the room with a dog fighter and a serial killer and you choose to be friends with the serial killers.