You need better friends

There comes a point in your life when you realize that some of the people that you used to be friends with are no longer there or that your current group of friends no longer should be there.  There is no timetable when one of these or both can happen but I just guarantee it will happen.    It is just something that happens with getting older.  Lets just call it the facts of life.

This b*tch right here needs a new set of friends, husband, Pastor, pistol, rope, and a bathroom cabinet full of pills (too far). I mean there is just soooo much to say to this tomfoolery right here.  Thankfully the baby was not hurt in the marriage of the village idiots.  Still trying to figure out which village had the biggest idiot but that is neither here nor there at this point.  Any good friend does not let her go out there and drag her damn baby down the aisle on the train of the dress.  When this chick brings this up and you see that she is serious the immediate response is supposed to be, " See, um naw".  Very efficient and gets to the point without using big words to confuse the village idiot.  It is very important to not use big words when dealing with this one!  Good friends don't let you walk out the house looking like a fool, get jumped, eat with the wrong fork out in public, spell "there" when you meant to spell "their", etc.

Her husband should be stoned for letting his 1 month old baby be dragged down the damn aisle.  Matter of fact he should be dragged down the damn street on a motherf*cking slip n slide. *sidenote* Any bets on if that is really his child?  This can't be the woman's first display of stupidity.  I know nothing more than what the article stated and but I will most certainly go out on a ledge and say this is a dumb a** b*tch the dumbest of the dumb.  If they make another Dumb and Dumber movie she will be the lead.  The fact that he would even decide on walking down the aisle definitely lets me know that his decision making is suspect at best.  If you see him on the street slap him for the baby and one time for me.

What was the Pastor doing who married the two buffoons?  Everybody has a price and I understand that but damn.  I mean your price should be pretty high to marry two fools in the house of the lord with rows full of people watching.  Your balls have to be made of adamantium (X-Men reference) to complete that ceremony in all seriousness.  This is all I will say about the Pastor because I fear stepping out the house and a lightning bolt coming out of nowhere to fry me.

In case anybody is wondering my people may lose a supporter over this one here smh.  In fact if you were to say the white man I might not even argue but that is a topic for a different day.

The real tragedy in Donald Sterling

There are no excuses for my absence.  I meant to come back months ago and then life started to take over and here we are in April.  What is important is that I think about you all at least a few times a week.  So many things to talk about, so many things I have written down but I figured Donald Sterling would be the one.

In a nutshell of Donald Sterling and everything that happened.  Caught up?  Good!!  People have been asking me am I outraged over the things he said on the video and I really give zero f*cks.  Nothing about him being a racist has made me lose a wink of sleep.  It is very unfortunate but this is the world we live in.  When he was screwing minorities out of housing years ago that would have been something to get worked up about more  than his words.  In fact I am really writing this blog to give Donald Sterling props for saying something that rings true.

Pulled straight from the transcripts: "I don't want to change.  If my girl can't do what I want, I don't want the girl.  I'll find a girl that will do what I want! Believe me."  If that is not the most pimp sh*t I have ever heard ever in life!  He meant that and I felt him %100.  If you going to be my chick then shut the hell up and do as I say.  When I hear things like this it reminds of what one of the greatest philosophers of our time said "Cancel that B*tch. I'll buy another one"  See the real problem of the whole situation is that his chick decided to not be the SIDE CHICK.  You know who and what you are!! Play your position and play your position well.  You are the PYT that receives expensive cars and apartments to drive and live in because you play your position.  If you are confused to what that position is then feel free to look over the requirements. that is: laying down, laying down, laying down and the only time you open your mouth is to say "please, thank you, and what kind of sandwich do you want" THAT IS IT.  America is outraged at the wrong thing.  Be outraged and hope that this is not some type of epidemic going on with side chicks getting out of pocket.

But seriously racism does suck!

Conversation with a Prostitute

I just like to preface this by saying that 1. Mom I love you and I promise I am staying out of trouble :) and 2. I have never used a prostitute nor do I have any plans to use a prostitute.  To those who pay for sex more power to you but that is not my thing.  IF I did however decide to use a prostitute please know I will get the most out of  my money.  She would have to turn tricks while standing on her head while doing a line of coke in a Motel 6.

One day last week I was headed to the bar to see if one of the bartenders I am friendly with was working and while driving I peeped a Hispanic lady on the corner milling about.(apparently Hispanics are the Blacks mans Kryptonite)  I turn the corner towards the bar and I take a look and was not as impressed up close as I was from the distance which seems to happen a lot these days but I digress.  I drive by the bar and see that the bartender was not working and I should have went home but something told me to drive around the block again.

On my first drive around the block I see the same woman and I get a better glimpse and something clicked in my head like, "Oh sh*t she is a hooker".  The worst thing that could have possibly happened in that situation happened..I made eye contact with the hooker and she started to speak. *If you have no interest in said hooker don't make eye contact*  At that exact moment I made the split decision to give the readers what they want and pulled over.  As I watch her walk to the car I am completely rolling because 1. she is a hooker and 2. she is just not that appealing.  Here is the exchange that happened.

Hooker: Whats going on?

Me: Whassup with you?

Hooker: Working.  So what you want?

*I have no clue what to say*

Me: What you got?  How much?

Hooker:  BJ for $20

Me: Damn, that is a good price!! (I really have no clue at all but it sounds reasonable)

Hooker: I know. I'm saying.  *looks me up and down* For you I would even go lower for you.

*completely thrown off now*

Me: Are you around here often?  * at this point I am just searching for sh&t*

Hooker: Naw, I just around here tonight.  So you going to let me get in the car?

Me: Uhhh, huh!  I don't have any money.

The hooker walks away.  I drive around the block laughing at the situation and I see her dancing on the corner of the block by herself and then I realize that she was on drugs.  That should be the end of the story but I got the bright idea to circle around the block AGAIN to get a video of her doing her crackhead dance for my amusement.  This time I thought she found a customer because she walking with this young black dude but then all of a sudden he hit a Barry Sanders move away from her and ran across the corner.  Say no to drugs and hookers!!!

State Employees...smh

Most state employees are pretty damn useless and I really mean that from the bottom of my heart!  Some of the most inefficient and simplest motherf*ckers ever!  I has to renew my car registration up here in the good ole state of PA and they finally send me my registration in the mail but there was no damn registration sticker in it.  What comes next is the email conversation I had with my new friend.

Subject:  Registration no sticker

Message:  Today I received in the mail my registration but there was no sticker in the envelope.  When is the quickest I can have new stickers sent out to me?  Thanks

Thank you for contacting Driver and Vehicle Services.

I will be happy to research this for you. So that I may further assist you, please respond with the following information:

The title number for the vehicle in question

The license plate number for the vehicle in question

The vehicle identification number (VIN) for the vehicle in question

The year and make of the vehicle in question

When responding, please include all previous e-mail.

Please do not send attachments, as these cannot be opened or processed at this location.

Thank you for your inquiry,

XXXXX XXXXX

PA Department of Transportation

www.dmv.state.pa.us

Personal information has been removed from this e-mail for your protection.

I respond with the appropriate information title, license and all that other good stuff that I will not be posting for all my imaginary Double D, flat stomach, big butt having females stalkers ;)

Thank you for responding with the requested information.

Our records indicate that two separate transactions were completed on our website on 5/27/13. The first was your registration renewal and the second was an address change. The registration card you received was issued to your new address as a result of the address change.

Because the address change was not completed prior to the renewal, the registration card and sticker, issued as a result of the renewal, were sent to your previous address and may not be forwarded. If you do not receive your registration material within ten days of 5/27/13, you may use one of the following options to apply for replacements:

Option #1:  Please complete form MV-44. This form may be downloaded from our website by using the MV-44 link, or it may be obtained from a notary, messenger service, or automobile club in Pennsylvania. As long as the application is received within 90 days of the date indicated above, there will be no fee for this replacement. Please refer to the form for additional instructions. From the time we receive your application, please allow 12 days for receipt of your replacement registration materials.

Option #2:  You may visit an online messenger service. This type of business is able to issue replacement registration materials for you immediately; however, a service fee will be charged. To find the nearest location, please click the Locations link here.

Hello,

I received my registration in the mail at the correct address and have the physical copy but the sticker was not in the envelope.

Thank you for contacting us again.

That is correct. When your address is changed, only a registration card is processed. The registration card you received was issued to your new address as a result of the address change.

Please do not send attachments, as these cannot be opened or processed at this location.

Thank you for your inquiry,
XXXXX XXXXX
PA Department of Transportation


I mean if it is me and I can't communicate please let me know and I will gladly work on my skill set but this simple b*tch does not understand that the registration came to the correct house but it was not complete.  The first message stated that I had my registration but not the sticker so I am lost in her confusion.  I would bet money on the fact these employees are trained to complicate the issue or frustrate you in hopes that whatever you are trying to accomplish you will just quit before having them do too much work.  I am not exactly sure but somehow some of my taxpaying dollars contribute to her simple a**!  All I want is for the people to do their damn job and send me a damn sticker since they did not do it properly the first time.  I don't want to print anything out, make any stops, or pay any damn service fees.  Department of Motor Vehicles you can kiss my high yellow a**!!

I just need somebody to answer this question!!

My focus has been lacking in the weeks past to sit down and put some words to the good ole blog.   Been tons of bullsh*t going on to speak about and I happen to remember none of it  but I am not going to cry over spilled milk.  Few random thoughts I wanted to get off my chest:

There as been a lot of people getting engaged and others actually getting married and it just lets me know that I am getting older and just in one of those phases in life where people are dropping like flies. I think it sucks that I am not a young 20 something anymore but oh well.  Maybe I am something like a Hater!  While I am happy for most but I just can' fight the "negative" feelings.

1.When I see a hot female with a less than stellar guy a piece of me dies. ( I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder but f*ck you this is my damn blog)  It is pretty bad to think that he is either rich, hung like a horse, or she is being held hostage which is probably still a sensitive topic but ehh.  I am pretty sure he really is a nice guy and she is on Meth.

2. I know it is pretty petty but I don't think I could ever date a female that does not eat meat.  Probably a lot of fine women out there who don't eat meat but the hell with that you got to eat a hotdog or something.  I mean realistically there is nothing wrong with that lifestyle and many do it for health reasons but you aint special or trendy so sit your a** in the corner.

3. Women who don't drink you can go kick rocks too!  Be grown and act like we are in the movies and drink a damn glass of wine.  Not like I said take whiskey shots with me but if you can you have already won in my book.

I have only asked this question twice and nobody has given me an answer and I want one dammit!

Do you think every time a reformed hoe gets engaged an angel gets it wings?

Jason Collins

Unless you have been living under a rock, today NBA basketball player Jason Collins let it be known that he is a gay athlete.  This is seen as monumental because he is the first male athlete of one of the four major American professional sports teams to make this announcement while being a active player. (I use that loosely)  There has been overwhelming support for Jason Collins and his decision while others who could give zero f*cks about it.  These types of situations always seems to bring the people out one way or the other.  I have no rhyme or reason to this blog but a few things peaked my curiosity and I figured I share my thoughts since everybody else is.

1. I hope no NBA team takes away from Jason's "moment" and decides to sign him just because he is a openly gay male athlete and tries to gain monetarily from his decision.  There is some executive out there drooling at the idea of signing him.  Now granted if they did that would be capitalism at its finest and while I agree wholeheartedly that capitalism has no moral base they should let the man live. *editors note*  Change of heart naw f*ck that sign him and make all the money you can off of tickets, jersey sales, dildos with the team logo on it and whatever else you can sell.  Why do I say this?  That brings me to my next point...

2. If Jason Collins is not signed to another team which is highly possible there will be a ton of people saying it is because of his sexuality.  There will be all types of lawsuits claiming discrimination, protests and whatever else you can think of.  His sexuality will not be why he is not signed. I don't want to hear a single f*cking peep about it being because he is gay.  He sucks as a basketball player flat out.  Dude is 7'0 of sh*t point blank.  Check the stats for yourself.  If anybody sees me in the streets and even begins to mutter anything of his sexuality being held against him I will find the closest basketball and drill you in the face.  He is a 34 year old basketball player that has a career average of 3 points a game.  He just really sucks!


3. I know this a big deal because of him openly coming out and still being an active professional athlete but  have people not watched the WNBA?? I have some women in that league that I want on my "Secluded dark alley team".

4. Shout out to Chris Broussard for taking a stand for something he believes in.  As society today pushes for those to be more accepting of all those who are deemed  "different" why are those of popular opinions are lambasted by the media.  Shouldn't people be accepting of his viewpoint he feels since he certainly did not put Jason Collins down in any shape or form.

5. Has anybody checked in on Jason Collin's twin brother Jarron?  Imagine how he feels that anytime he tries to get a female they looking at him sideways like, "Yeah right we know you came out the closet".  Just imagine him trying to plead the case"but that really is my twin brother! "

Men might be from Mars but women are just stupid...

I have long stood by the statement that most women lack common sense except for a few and my Mother.(I love you girl!!!)  Please believe I want to be proven wrong SOOOOO bad but it rarely happens.  Time and time again I am left scratching my head asking myself is it me?  What will be next is just random moments in time that may or may not be from me or somebody I know.
 Text conversation:

Lady: Want hummus for dinner?

Me (allegedly) : Just ate cupcake...I know nothing of hummus really

Lady: I'll get you shwarma. I have a gift card.

Me (allegedly): Aww thx but I am good.  Just ate cupcake.  Gift card from the work contest?

Lady: Nah just a random card. And I was talking about eating at 8PM but since you said no twice then forget you.

Me (allegedly): oh ok cool.  Tough crowd, I said no because I did not want it to be a waste. And say 8pm next time and there wont be any confusion.

Lady: I know what time you take a dinner break.  Clearly you don't jerk.

Me(allegedly): Please don't act like we have never gotten food not on my dinner break.

 *silence..no response*

*hour later*

Lady: Are we still eating?

I mean what the hell was that?  Tried to be polite and decline dinner and have somebody save their money and they get bent out of shape.  How the f*ck am I supposed to know what time you want to get me dinner if you don't specify.  Probably is my fault that I missed the "Mind Reading 101" class.
*Bloggers note*
As I was writing this blog if that was about me I just received that last text*

Will give another example just so you know it is real:

Girl:Wake up lets get breakfast.  I am getting dressed now.

Guy: Okay, well let me shower and get myself together.

Girl: Okay, well just text me when you are on the way.

Guy: Okay cool

*hour passes by*

The guy send a text to the girl saying he is on the way.  He shows up and knocks on the door and this is the exchange that happens next.

Girl: I am not ready what are you doing?

Guy: I sent the text message like you said.

Girl: Oh, well I aint respond!!

*baffled look on the guys face*

Listen, if I am wrong or missing something in that text message exchange please let me know.  I thought she told the guy to text when he is on the way and not text and wait for a f*cking response.  Again, I err-- the guy must have missed "Mind Reading 102" class.  Shoot, why the heck is she not dressed if over an hour ago she said she was getting dressed.  Does it really take women that long to put some damn clothes on?