Nothing like a hood chick

I am not a man that really lacks confidence nor do I have self esteem issues but I would love to buy some confidence.  Not just any ole regular confidence from anybody but I want to buy confidence from hood b*tches!!  I mean there is not a damn thing you can tell these chicks.  There is nothing at all you can tell them and it is really quite impressive in an utterly disgusting type of way.

Today I was at a red light and these two West Philadelphia hoodrats were strolling through the sidewalk and before they could walk in front of my car the light turned green.  Usually I would have beeped my horn and told them to hurry the hell up and get out the way, but I was on my best behavior, waiting for them to cross. As they were taking their time getting across the street, the look that they gave me was the stankest, cockiest, most repulsive look I have been given in a long time.  They did not say a word to me but that look said it all.
"What the f*ck you looking at?  Yea, we taking our motherf*cking time getting across the street and what B*TCH!!  You see how good we look, we just came back from getting our hair did.  Look how long and silky this sh*t is!"

Sure, maybe there is something wrong with me because I got all that out of a look that was no more than 2 seconds long, but still. *sidenote* If you really think something is wrong with me you can kiss my a**.  Whenever I see ghetto chicks and their "swag" on display it makes me laugh, cry and get pissed off all at once.  That is how I know I NEED that.  I mean all in all these Mr. Ed weave wearing chicks have done nothing to me.  I don't have anything against them for the most part aside from the occasional extra mayo that they put on EVERYTHING, or them pulling out their ACCESS card while having $150 Jordans on their feet.  Then there is also the ability they have to procreate over and over and over again and all their kids are raggedy and dumb and the Gov't is always taking some f*cking money out of my check so they can continue to rock out, but I digress.  The point is that whenever somebody learns how to take whatever they have hood or not and bottle it up and put me down for 3 BIG bottles. 

Haters Everywhere

If anybody saw the  Floyd Mayweather vs.  Victor Ortiz fight last night you know that the ending caused a lot controversy.  I would like to state that I am not a huge fan of Money Mayweather at all.  I respect his ability, work ethic, and precision like right hand but lets be clear he is the reason why the term "we should have never gave them n*ggas money" was coined.  Sure a lot of his personality is him accepting the bad guy of boxing but still.



In case this video is taken down in a nutshell what happened was that Ortiz illegally headbutted Mayweather and was he was docked points for being a cheap shot artist.  He then hugs and kisses Mayweather on some soft a** stuff.  The ref tells both fighters to continue fighting but Ortiz is still trying to shake hands with Mayweather.  Floyd wants none of is trying to push dude back but then hits him with a left hook and a straight right and that was all she wrote.

Again, I am not a huge Mayweather fan but the amount of people saying what he did was dirty and or some hoe sh*t.  To all those people I simply say go f*ck yourself!!  IF what he did was illegal the knockdown would not have counted, he would have been docked a point and the fight would have continued but that did not happen because it was CLEAN as can be.  Remember Ortiz had the dirty move.

What about this hoe sh*t?  Yall can kiss my a** on that hoe sh*t.  After you leave your feet to headbutt somebody best believe that all bets are off.  The only hoe in the ring was Ortiz!  Ole soft a** lets kiss and make-up even though we are in a fight type of dude.  The beginning of every fight the referee says, "Protect yourself at ALL times" they aint saying it for their health. Please believe that they mean every last word of that.  Can you fault Mayweather for taking advantage of slow, soft, and stupid opponent?  Absolutely not!  He did what all great athletes do and that is to dominate and take advantage of the situation that they are put into.  When Peyton Manning is doing the hurry up offense and the defender does not make it across the line of scrimmage and he hikes the ball anyways I don't hear any uproar over that.  People just want to talk about how smart he is but why can't Floyd just be that smart?  I have my ideas but that is for another day.

I just know that if we are having a knife fight and you pull out a gun  all bets are off and best believe the first opening will be taken. At the end of day all the people yelling about Mayweather being dirty are what we call HATERS!!!  In the words of the Wu-Tang Clan PROTECT YOUR NECK!!!!

Somebody's watching me!!!

Thanks to www.philly.com.  I will say that sometimes these people writing in helps me find comfort within my own life. smh

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I moved into our first home two years ago. A few months after that, our lives got even better with the addition of our son. After living here for a while, we noticed that the neighbors behind us have a large window in their shower, and they tend to take a lot of nighttime showers. (I'm sure you can see where this is heading.) For a long time, we chose to ignore it, but my motherly instincts are getting the better of me now. I can't help thinking of the day when my son is old enough to realize what he's seeing.

My husband and I have been debating whether to tell our neighbors we can see them showering. Sometimes they get pretty carried away in there. Should I tell them we can see everything? And if so, how do I go about it without causing them to be embarrassed, ashamed or angry?

- Getting an Eyeful in Ohio

 Lets just start with the beginning of this letter.  Did you guys really have to throw the party about "our lives got even better with the addition of our son" in there?  You guys have less money than you did before, the dates have dwindled down, and if the wife is breast feeding the husband sure is not enjoying the fun bags anymore but I digress. I am sure you love your son more than life itself but shut up!

Soooo only after living there for a while did you notice the big a** window in your neighbors shower and that they did the wild monkey in the shower at night.  F*ck outta here who do you guys think you are fooling with that line.  I am going to go out on a limb and say that when you guys were house shopping you probably saw the big a** window and that sealed the deal for you.

When you guys said you "chose to ignore it" you really meant that you guys somehow managed to keep your lips shut and not tell your friends that you secretly tape your neighbors dig each other out.  Another thing don't try to blame this on your motherly instincts either.  You probably have not shed your pregnancy fat and your husband does not find your attractive anymore and he has started spending more time in the mancave with his Maxim magazines.  Then again your husband could be going through some issues getting the motor started and is too afraid to try the Extenze pills.  Let me tell you something else I know you and your husband talk about telling your neighbors but he does not want to and only engages in these conversations so that you feel he really cares about your feelings and such.  You are ruining his fun you selfish bastard.  STOP IT!!

How about you don't tell your neighbors and maybe just hang a damn curtain up in YOUR motherfreaking window.  I highly doubt they are embarrassed because they probably know yall freak nasties are watching them and they are purposely putting on a show.(there is a name for that)  At the end of the day you guys look like the fools for waiting so long to tell them about their showering habits.  It is too late now CHUMPS!!!

She is a lady of the night!!!

Thanks to Philly.com I have another Dear Abby advice column to answer.

DEAR ABBY: I'm dating a prostitute and have developed feelings for her. The problem is her "job" gets in the way. She has talked about getting another job, but nothing ever happens.

- My Name's Not John

 Answer:  Boooy oh boy!  Where do we even start with this right here?  I mean this sh*t riight heeere!!  Dude, I mean really so you know you are dating a prostitute and you are okay with this?  That alone lets me know that you have some low self-esteem issues going on.  We all have bad days and low moments in life but dating a whore is pretty bad.  I hope you don't mind me calling your lady friend a whore but I am just calling a spade a spade.

I will say this with the economy being as bad as it is I do commend you on finding a partner who has a job. (giggles)  Sure, it is the oldest job known to man but nobody is perfect, right? (more giggles)  I am just curious to as what point did you realize that you caught feelings for this hoe.  Was it before or after one of the many money transactions?  Did she give you a free hand job and it showed that you really meant something to her?  Did she give one of your friends a half off discount?  Truth be told I am curious how you two met because you may not have been a customer but good friends.  I apologize for thinking that you had to pay for sex because it could have been free of charge but I somehow highly doubt that. 

Sir, did you really think she was going to get another job?  When is the last time you looked at her resume?  The problem with her getting another job is that her resume has all the wrong buzz words.  Her resume has sucking, blowing, intercourse,anal, and things of that nature which are really not endearing to most employers.  At this point she can either go be a stripper or a porn star but I am not sure if that would really make you feel that much better about your relationship.  At least your friends won't feel awkward when they say they saw your girlfriend at work. (more giggles)

I would say that I feel for you because of your low self-esteem issues and this horrible relationship that you have yourself in but I don't.  Nobody told you to be Captain Save A Hoe!!  Besides you broke rules number 1 and 33

1. Never date a prostitute 

33. Never date a prostitute

Do yourself a favor and always use a condom because trust me she is a whore.( in tears) 

Monkeying Around

So on Saturday I went to see the movie "Rise of the Planet of the Apes".  Great movie and I think everybody should go see it but of course there were a few things that pissed me off.  And to think I was getting better with these things but maybe not.

I hate when people know what time the movie starts but yet manages to come in late.  For some odd reason that sh*t bothers me to my core.  Maybe it is because there are always some a**holes that will want to sit in the same damn aisle that I am in.  Sure, I always find a great aisle but I got to the damn theater early to find my seat and not have to ruin anybody's viewing pleasure.  Since this technology sh*t keeps advancing I think once the movie starts all late people must sit down at bottom seats and have a stiff neck from looking straight up.  If anybody attempts to sit in the good section they should be hit with a stun gun by a usher.  Pretty sure there are some legal issues with that but f*ck em, I am sure they will make sure that sh*t does not happen again.

IF you do come late to the movie and it has already started please shut the f*ck up!!  That is damn rude to come into the theater talking and being loud at that.  Saturday, these 4 dickheads walk up the steps making all types of noise because they are looking for 4 seats together.  Hey, a**holes it is the opening weekend and you are late go f*ck yourself and sit your a** all the way down bottom with the rest of the non time telling bastards.

Something else that really really makes me mad is the price of the damn concession stand.  Why is everything at that motherf*cker expensive as hell.  Prices are tripled for damn twizzlers, gummi bears, and other dumb crap.  For some reason when I see all these people walk in with nachos, popcorn and all other types of overprice nonsense I always want to knock it out their hands.  One day I just might and I am sure a riot will ensue because if I walk in the movie and I have just paid for two tickets, two sodas, popcorn, nachos, and some candy I am whooping a**.  I mean that is like almost $50 for a damn movie experience. wtf!!

After a few of these outings I understand why people bootleg movies at least they can enjoy the damn thing!!


Sidenote* If you have a ankle bracelet on are you allowed in the movies or out the house past a certain time?  Somebody help I am not too familiar with this jail thing.  I don't really know sh*t about jail!!

It's all in the game!!!

 * Disclaimer*
I am just playing...kinda lol

Soooo, I was sitting online talking to one of my boys about work.  We were talking about the stresses of working and how it seems to be more mental than physical.  Within the course of the conversation hitting the lottery comes up because who the hell would not love to hit the lotto for something stupid!!!  Neither of us are habitual players but sometimes when times are hard you are willing to try and will throw a few dollars out there here and there because you can't win if you don't play.   So through our dumbness this question was posed by me:

Is it wrong to rob drug dealers? (yea I know...wtf)  We were joking about robbing regular people but that is just so wrong for so many reasons but robbing the drug dealer..isn't that just all in the game?  I mean they sell dope and destroy a lot of communities so they have to get got somehow, right?  Sure, I am wrong for robbing because we should not rob but I'm saying....(sly grin)  If the drug dealers are going to get robbed who do they call?  The POlice(B-more city accent) are out.  If I got my best Omar Little impersonation on and threw in some Robin Hood and gave some of that money to some charities.  F*ck giving to the "poor" their houses,cars, and clothes are better than mine. lol

All in all that would be doing a service for the community because budgets are tight and the Rollers can't be everywhere.  For those not in the know the Rollers are the  Po Po, 5 0, Jake, them boys and all them other good names that the good ole boys in blue are given.  Think about if we stick the drug dealers up they will eventually get tired of getting stuck up and will give the game a rest right? *doubt it*  Think about all the good that come out of this situation.  You don't have to pay the person robbing the drug dealer because they keep what they took.  The dealers take a hit with the loss of cash and can't re-up and that means less crack head motherf*ckers in front of 7-11 always begging you for change.  Sounds like a win to me!!

Corporal Punishment

I believe corporal punishment should be legal in PA.  I have been dealing with some kids in a classroom setting and it leaves me debating if I want to do the snip snip so I don't have any children.  In the ideal world my kids would stay toddlers for 10 years then go straight to being a senior in high school and progressing with life from there but I digress.

 Jay-Z had a line "people don't get the picture to the weapons are drawn" and that is how I feel with these knuckleheads except there will be no weapons. :(  I can't even make them stand up in the corner or do jumping jacks. WTF!!!  Where have all the damn cowboys gone?  Why the hell is everybody soft like tissue paper, or Miguel the singer? ( heeeey sugar)

Every now and then there comes a point in a child's life were they need to be taken out back and have their a** handed to them.  A punch to their chest where they can't breathe for a good 10 seconds puts a lot of things into perspective.  Not only does it solve the immediate problem but in the long term they are sure to think twice about stepping out of bounds.  The only thing that might happen is that one of these dysfunctional kids might threaten to get their Dad buuut who am I kidding these motherf*ckers have not seen their Dad in years.  Hell, they probably think they came from the stork! * giggles to self *

Having fear of somebody that will not think twice about knocking the snot out of you, laying The People's elbow, and then picking you up off the ground to give you homework is a great thing.  It builds character and who does not need a little bit of that in their life?